What Does Your Dying House Plant Say About You?
♫ It’s beginning to look a lot like… that god-awful time of year when you barely have enough time or wherewithal to feed yourself, let...
‘Pre-Gaming’: the New Party Craze My Great-Aunt Told Me (via Email) Is Taking Campuses by Storm
‘Pre-gaming’. What knows what that’s supposed to mean? Answer: my Great-Aunt Barb. This connoisseur of all things young and current sent me a tell-all email last...
Chili’s Confirms RBG’s Reported Hospitalization a Publicity Stunt to Advertise Their Delicious Baby Back Ribs
Did you really think that RBG was susceptible to the failings of human flesh? Recent news has surfaced that the omnipotent RBG was reportedly hospitalized...
I Love Brown So Much That I’m Having An Affair With An Actual Bear
If I had to describe myself in one word it would definitely be “hardcore.” I have never half-assed anything. That’s how I ended up having...
I Heard the Voice of God and It Was Shrill and Unwelcoming
Last Friday, the heavens opened, and I heard the voice of God. At least I’m 99% sure it was God. I had woken up on...
How To Organize Your Facebook To Make It Seem Like You’re A Political Activist When Really All You Wanna Do Is Get Shwasted And Text Trey
In an age where social media reigns supreme, self-portrayal is everything. What you post is who you are, and it’s important people know that who you are is...
Ultimate CS Proj-Posals
After leaving high school, I thought I’d never again be graced with the high-stakes, satisfying rush of a promposal. There’s nothing as viscerally awkward and...
An Open Letter to Boys Who Buckle the Top Strap on Their Backpacks
Dear boys who buckle the top strap on their backpacks, Listen up (and don’t buckle up): you–galavanting around with your top backpack strap buckled like...
On Changing
I’ve been in college for two months, and I’m already a totally different person. While I was a mellow, reserved homebody in high school, I...