Supreme Court Justices have so much power, who wouldn’t want to be one? Since a SC justice can stay in office for life, you don’t have to worry about disapproval. So if your spouse has a horrible new hairdo, you want to say weird things about a coke can, or you just want to lift weights with Squee without fear of judgment, you have nothing to worry about!
That said, becoming a part of the big bad Supreme Court is no easy endeavor. But, luckily, I’ve compiled a set of effective tips that have worked for all of the recent SC appointments.
- Make sure to post on Twitter at least every day.
It’s selfish to keep your wise opinions and policy ideas to yourself. It is absolutely necessary that you share your knowledge with everyone else. Also, posting makes a huge difference on policymakers’ decisions. So you’re making a difference and building on your reputation that will surely get you nominated.
With tweets like these, Trump will be sure to notice you!
- Go to as many keg stands and wild parties as possible.
Your reputation won’t matter in the end, so go all out right now! If anything, the president will appreciate that you like to have a good time. So forget about your Chemistry homework and the tiring search for internships, and go to that sketchy frat party on a Monday night.
- Do not go to college.
An education is pointless. As long as you talk very loudly and use elevated vocabulary to make yourself sound smart, you’re all set. Honestly, qualifications like this aren’t as important as you might think. Populace can reverberate erudite appellations unescorted by tutelage with a thesaurus.
- Have at least three kids, preferably girls.
You have to let people know you are a family person. If you have boys, make sure to emphasize that you enjoy hunting and playing ping pong with them in your free time. If you have girls, let the public know that you love women just like you love your girls.
5. Have as many diverse friends as possible.
It is a necessity that people know that even though, say, you do not support gay marriage, you at least have a gay friend. This way, you can tell people that you are not homophobic since you have a gay friend. This is just one example, however. You also need an African American friend, an Asian American friend, and, most importantly, a Hispanic friend.
6. Go to church. A Christian one.
It is a must to have everyone know you are a charitable person, and what better way to do that than by going to church? But it has to be a Christian one, to show that you really have morals.
This is by no means an exhaustive list. However, it is comprehensive enough to get you to be the ultimate Judge Judy!