♫ It’s beginning to look a lot like… that god-awful time of year when you barely have enough time or wherewithal to feed yourself, let alone your plants. Sound familiar? Your wilting succulent behind the closed shade knows it all too well. We’ve all got a pitifully drooping plant, but what does yours say about you? Are you a bold basil bud?? A blissful bonsai babe??? An organized orchid owner???? A crazy cactus cuddler????? Read on to find out!
Ocimum basilicum: If your dying house plant is of the (legal) herb variety, it’s safe to say cooking is not your forte. Although at first this seems a disastrous blight on your resume (and yes, we know about that time you managed to screw up a PB&J), you can rest assured that your culinary ineptitude translates into found time and happiness! No one will ever expect nor want you to cook, you’ll have to order everything you eat, and you, unlike those with cooking skills, can congratulate yourself for whipping together a stellar bowl of Rice Krispies and milk (in the correct order of course).
Cedrus libani: Is a dying bonsai tree more your style? Sounds like you want to appear more ‘zen’ than you really are. You’ve been trying to conceal your stress but it’s obviously not panning out. Time to practice more deep breathing, attempt to meditate (a.k.a. fall asleep while an app talks to you), and try out the newest wellness trend.
Orchidaceae: A dying orchid plant shamefully adorns your dust-free bedside table. Sorry to break it to you, but you’re always trying too hard to be perfect. Acknowledge that you too are capable of imperfections and lighten up! Maybe for once take the easy route and buy yourself a cactus.
Cactaceae: Your thumb’s so anti-green that you killed your CACTUS? Nurturing just really isn’t your thing. Instead, you’re all about risks. The stars see scarily fast JumpBikeTM trips down College Hill in your future. Wheeeeeee!
If these predictions aren’t sufficient, take a trip down to the Thayer Psychic. While you’re there, do me a favor and determine if my theory that the shop’s a money laundering front holds water (and grace your dying plants with some water while you’re at it).
