Ellie Blumberg
Editor
Ellie can do lots of things, but never learned Roman numerals or how to wink. She lives in constant fear of the day she will be asked to flirtatiously read Cicero’s bank statement out-loud to a room filled with everyone she’s ever loved. This is reasonable and Ellie is not an anxious person.
Linnea Hult
Editor
ex-brit, reverse-italian american, part-time bisexual. ethnically ambigous, racially obvious. paranoid.
Liana Haigis
Media Team, Staff Writer
According to her professors, Liana is “consistently tardy,” “overshares in class,” and “misspells elementary vocabulary.” Her friends, though, say she “loves an adventure,” “gives convoluted but helpful advice,” and is generally “pretty funny.”
Lulu Cavicchi
Staff Writer
Lulu never learned to snap, crushing her childhood dream of being an audience plant for poetry slams.
Marielle Buxb4um
Staff Writer
“Marielle-always-talking-about-the-history-of-hummus-Buxb4um”. They also call her a fighter. The fights aren’t usually about hummus.
Arthi Ranganathan
Staff Writer
Arthi likes to spend her free time following celebrity drama or dodging the Screen Time report that pops up on her iPhone every week. You can find her hanging out by the coffee milk station at the Ratty, with danger in her eyes. Her opinions are as strong as her arms are weak <3
Lulu Levy
Staff Writer
Lulu has very intense interests. She memorizes SNL sketches and makes character notes for every episode of Criminal Minds (to name two concerning ones). Her goal in life is to become rich enough to call her quirks eccentricities (and to ban arts and crafts in all 50 states).
Indigo Mudbhary
Staff Writer
When people find out that Indigo is an only child, they always say, “That makes sense!” She’s like pizza at the Ratty— not terrible, but definitely not great! And she’s okay with that!
Tamsin Weissberg
Staff Writer
Tamsin cannot pass by a wine mom sign without reading it aloud. She’s one “Less Monday More Coffee” away from getting banned from Homegoods.
Alaire Kanes
Staff Writer
The only thing Alaire loves more than ice cream is talking about her ice cream induced irritable bowel syndrome. Because honestly, Zodiac signs are so last year: what letter IBS type are you?
Sophia Wotman
Staff Writer
Sophia’s favorite pasta shape is spaghetti, since it reminds her that there are things in life as curly as her hair. She also loves watching the sunset dramatically, eating waffles with way too much syrup, and playing her trumpet in jazzy ways.
Rachel Kamphaus
Staff Writer
Rachel is exactly like your dad, if he were not a Republican. She has strong opinions on the best Bob Dylan album, loves craft beers, and definitely spends too much time thinking about the Roman Empire.
Lily Swaine-Moore
Staff Writer
Lily has always longed to be a zamboni driver, loves hot dogs, and probably has a tapeworm. Entry level zamboni gigs are hard to come by, so she’s willing to settle for a future as a rugboni passenger, glizzy in hand. Her tapeworm’s name is Timmy.
Sophia Plaschke
Staff Writer
Sophia enjoys lurking in the shadows, haunting nightmares, and whispering into the night. When she’s not busy preying on the innocent, she likes playing board games with her friends, taking scenic drives in the countryside, and curling up with a good book.
Mia Lane
Editor
Mia’s high school peers voted her ‘Third Biggest Ego’ in the year, to the shock of friends, family and the general public who all thought she had first place in the bag.
Lucy Lebowitz
Social Media Editor
Lucy is scared of bananas… or is she just scared of what they represent?
Kaitlyn Lucas
Social Media Editor
Kaitlyn enjoys being “professor” level on mobile Solitaire and not knowing U.S. (or any) geography. She also enjoys antagonizing her friends with the bald filter on Snapchat and shamelessly listening to ASMR every night.
Jules Griswold
Staff Writer
Jules expresses themselves through their sleep schedule because someone somewhere said every unhinged artist should sleep 22 hours a day. What about work-life balance? They’re sorry, they can’t hear you… zzzz…. zz.. zzzz.
Lucinda Drake
Staff Writer
Lucinda is a lot of things. None of them are listed here but you’ll just have to trust her. There are also a lot of things Lucinda is not. Some of those include iron deficient, sweaty…oh wait no she’s those things too.
Sam Walter
Staff Writer
Sam is from Chicago… yes, the city. Sam is the manager of the water polo team… no, she doesn’t know what that means either. Sam is a Star Wars fanatic… yes, she was super popular in high school. Sam is a dog lover… no, nobody’s issued a restraining order – who told you that?!
Rhea Rasquinha
Staff Writer
Rhea (ree-uh) is 5’3″ and (not) proud of it. She likes the outdoors (except when the weather’s bad), looping one song for hours (except when she gets sick of it), and eating copious amounts of dark chocolate on the daily (no further comment).
Serena Levin
Staff Writer
“She’s really fun to work with” – Serena’s Therapist, 2022.
P.S. Serena is catfishing here: her hair is curly and her nose rarely runs, it’s typically sedentary.
Olivia Booth
Staff Writer
Be it in the form of clinical disorder or her alarmingly detailed spreadsheet of the Myers-Briggs personality types of everyone she’s met at Brown, Olivia is best known for her obsessive personality. You can find her on her 2×2 fire escape or www.personality-database.com.
Sofie Zeruto
Staff Writer
Sofie likes cooking, the Real Housewives franchise, southern boiled peanuts, and memorizing celebrities’ wikipedia pages. By this description, she is the ideal middle-aged housewife which she both shuns and embraces because she is a feminist until she fails in making it in the world on her own and needs to marry rich (thankfully Brown is a win-win).
Cassie Travis
Staff Writer
Cassie is confidently unacquainted with soup, plagued by the horrors of white guys on YouTube, and don’t even get them started on their 23andMe test. Yes, they are the ‘girl’ in the ‘Harry Styles video’. Yes, it’s hard being so special.
Morgan Anderson
Staff Writer
Morgan has spent her life contributing to the financial success of the Dr Pepper Snapple Group and narrowly avoiding kidney stones in the process. She spends her free time engaging in the Sisyphean process of cleaning her camera roll, documenting life experiences to share with her therapist, and creating playlists she will never listen to. Her current goal is to figure out what she should concentrate in to pursue her dream career (professional fangirl).
Julia Marrinan
Staff Writer
Julia is not addicted to coffee, no matter what they tell you. Yes, she did drink 24 oz of straight cold brew one morning. Yes, that’s normal. No really, it is.