An Open Letter From The Neglected Apple
Dear Pumpkin-Praising Public, You betrayed me. I once sat on the throne of spiced autumnal confections, and now it seems I have been relegated to...
The Annotated Misadventures of “For Women” Porn
About a week ago, my good friend’s boss gave the charming, albeit slightly inappropriate, advice that “every woman should watch hardcore porn once in her...
Free the Bra
It’s dinnertime, and my family is casually sitting at the table when my dad interrupts the conversation for a breaking announcement. “I have a million-dollar...
Chris Brown’s “Don’t Judge Me” and Why We’re Judging Him
Today, while “preparing” for one of my many impending exams, I stumbled across a Youtube link to Chris Brown’s 2012 single, “Don’t Judge Me.” Needless...
Your Recently Used Emojis: A Window to the Soul
Whenever someone asks to use my phone, I usually have to do some emergency editing before forking over My Precious. This includes erasing incriminating texts,...
Stealing Stuff
Everyone steals stuff. Stealing has an unwarranted negative stigma these days, largely because people conflate “stealing” with “shoplifting.” In reality, forms of stealing that do...
What Does Your AIM Username Say About You?
Every time I log into Facebook, I shudder. I am thrown right back into my daunting past: the days of florescent pink Juicy Couture sweat...
Why King Triton Is the Real Villain in “The Little Mermaid”
How long has it been since you’ve seen The Little Mermaid? If you don’t remember, it’s the heartwarming tale of a mermaid who gives up...
A Recipe for the Perfect Millennial Woman
Here’s how you make her. It shouldn’t be too hard – the ingredients aren’t particularly hard to come by. 3/4 of a share in an eco-friendly...
Raising Your Dad
Dad. Where to even begin. That poor lost soul, thrust into the world of parenthood without an inkling of what to expect. The terrifying idea that...