Multitasking is In, Especially on the Toilet
Everybody poops. Sometimes it’s a speedy ordeal. But other times, the process can be lengthy and we find ourselves bored and daydreaming. I’ll let you in on...
We’re All Going to Die
I am a hypochondriac. I analyze every sneeze, headache, and suspiciously dark mole until I have no choice but to lie in my bed, resign...
The Mainstream Mandate
Breaking News! A new phenomenon that you’ve probably never heard of is rocking the nation: Hipster Shaming. In this country — like other issues of immigration...
One Graph To Rule Them All
In a quest to graph my life, I have stumbled across the one that exemplifies most of my daily experiences. This graph demonstrates a sense of...
A Rant From The Guy Without A Culturally Relevant Halloween Costume
Speaking as someone whose self-worth is solely determined by my ability to impress others with a witty and timely Halloween costume, October 31, 2014 is...
The Teammates Who No One Can Stand
In high school, I didn’t play a single sport. But at the start of my first year of college, I decided to grace Brown University and...
Dorm Room Trick-or-Treating
One fateful Sunday night in October, Halloween-Eve-Eve-Eve-Eve, my most devoted friends and I ventured out into the eerie, fluorescent dorm lighting on a mission...
“Watch” This: A Guide to the Movie Hookup
Over the summer, a friend and I were chatting fervently about his latest romantic interest–a Logan Lerman lookalike who lived about an hour’s drive away....
The Illusion of Workout Clothes
After eight years of wearing a uniform to school, I now struggle with the concept of “picking out an outfit” for class. Back then, it...
Expensive Ice Cubes for your Overpriced Drink!
Earlier this week, I stumbled across an NPR article bearing the horrifying title “Can Hand-Cut, Artisanal Ice Make Your Cocktail That Much Better?” I had to...