Parents. Can’t live with ‘em, certainly cannot live without ‘em. Where would I be without my mom reminding me to put pants on? Without my dad sharing scholarly articles and cool books with me? Exactly where I am now, in my dorm, without pants on, playing Tetris instead of doing my work. I suppose that’s beside the point.
While my parents cannot constantly be involved in my life (long distance usually makes that happen in your relationship), they maintain contact with me through other mediums, mainly texting. Texting, and other forms of virtual communication, really lend themselves to confusion or miscommunication. And when I say miscommunication, I mean blatant misreadings of simple messages. I am fully aware that this is not a phenomenon unique to my parents and me. All you college kids (and high school kids who have ever left the house before) will know exactly what I mean in a minute.
Let’s see some examples, please:
Child: It’s cold.
Parent: I’m getting in the car now. I’ll be at a ski supply store in approximately an hour, where I am going to buy you the appropriate gear, namely: an electric blanket, a pair of gloves, a ski mask, goggles, and some snow pants. Wear your long johns and watch out for hail – it can be lethal.
Child: Hi Dad! How is your day today?
Parent: You are obviously very lonely if you are resorting to talking to me. We are going to send you one of those lights that give off false sunlight so that it may lessen your depressive symptoms. Perhaps you are actually about to ask me for money, in which case, what do you want it for? Hm?
Child: Just wanted to say hi…
Child: I love you!
Parent: Yes, you definitely want money. Love you too.
Child: I got an A on my paper!
Parent: When you were three months old, you picked up one of my old copies of War and Peace and put it directly into your mouth – well, not really, because it’s such a heavy volume, you sort of just slid over to it and then drooled on it, which is the same – I knew you were a genius. Is that some sort of metaphor for digesting the material? Will have to make that joke on the Facebook in the hopes of getting 3 or more likes.
Child: Please don’t tag me in anything.
Parent: Tag! You’re it! Is that a feature on the Facebook?
Child: I woke up this morning with a sore throat.
Parent: You are obviously dying. I am coming to get you before your certain death from Ebola.
Child: Can’t talk now! I’m with my friends.
Parent: Your mama raised you to make smart choices. Just be safe and remember that some kids are in the library right now. Their parents don’t have to worry!
Child: It’s 2:00 pm, Mom. We’re eating lunch.
Parent: Okay. Use protection.
They’re crazy, they overreact, and they embarrass you on social media. But we need them, no matter how insane they are. Are your parents like this, or are they completely on another plane of insanity? Leave a comment below and let me know!
Oh, and your mom’s right. Always use protection.
Image via.