For weeks, Brown has been abuzz with talk of the latest development on our bustling campus. That’s right, it’s the brand-new Perelman Arts District, an area which, according to the maps plastered everywhere, seems to span the entirety of Providence.
At this point you might be asking yourself, “Why was this necessary?”, to which Christina Paxson would respond: “The arts district tells you that you are in the place where arts happen, though without passing through a distinct gateway or threshold”. Sure. Every time I walk past one of those garish signs, I can almost hear Ryan Murphy urging me to burst into song.
After some more digging, I found out that the creation of The Perelman Arts District ‘aligns with Brown’s ambitions to become the primary destination in the world for students who want to fully integrate the arts into a complete liberal arts education’, which would be believable if Brown had a theatre space available to students other than Alumnae Hall. And, if we’re being completely honest, given that Mr Perelman has a section in his Wikipedia titled ‘Homes’, I think he could have at least forked out for a new building.
Ever the optimist, though, I’ve found a silver lining. The Perelman Arts District is an extremely vaguely defined region, making it the perfect place to schedule a meet-up with your least favourite friend – you know the one.
And if your worst pal happens to be your smartest, here are 4 other phrases that are sure to trick even the canniest of acquaintances.
“I’ve just thrown up”
This is guaranteed to work because no one can prove it. Am I going to show you the toilet bowl full of vomit? No, because I’m not Satan. It’s the oldest trick in the book because IT WORKS. In fact, I used this when I was 15 to get out of an extremely scary (read: co-ed) New Years’ Eve party*.
*Not included: my friend telling me a few months ago that she’s known it was a lie for 7 years and was just being kind.
“I’m cleaning the sink”
You’ll never catch me leaving food debris in the sink, because I’m a perfect roommate and, more importantly, an empath. Hopefully, the visual of you fishing in the sink for tofu detritus that this excuse conjures up will evoke such strong feelings of disgust in your friend that they cancel on you.
“I’m busy reading The Indy cover to cover”
Does it show you’re a cultured member of the Brown community? Yes. Can anyone test you on it? No, because no one has ever read The Indy cover to cover.
And finally…
“I don’t want to. Please respect my boundaries”
Being unspeakably rude under the guise of mental health is what being a young adult today is all about. Revel in cutting off those toxic influences, sitting with your trauma, and doing the work. Make the snowflake generation proud!