We’re All Going to Die


I am a hypochondriac. I analyze every sneeze, headache, and suspiciously dark mole until I have no choice but to lie in my bed, resign myself to my untimely fate, and make my “final” phone calls to family, friends, and nemeses alike. My parents have tried nearly everything to reduce my hyperawareness of my own mortality. My mother enforced a complete... Read More

The Mainstream Mandate


Breaking News! A new phenomenon that you’ve probably never heard of is rocking the nation: Hipster Shaming. In this country — like other issues of immigration... Read More



Winter is coming. No, this is not an article about everyone’s favorite medieval dragon porn soap opera, “Game Of Thrones.” I’ve never even seen the... Read More