Texts! Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without em. We’ve all been there–minding our own business only to receive a text that we have no idea what to do with. Read on for some classic examples of texts that everyone for sure gets all of the time, and that are definitely not actual texts that were directed at me and only me!!
“Hey”
Ahh they reached out haha! Ugh what do I say? “Heyy”? No that’s one too many y’s.. Or is it? Or should I say “Hey do you need something?” “Hey what’s up?” ohmygod I’m gonna cry.
“Hey, why are you ignoring me?”
Well I have been ignoring this person. Now I really don’t wanna respond because I’ll just make everything awkward. Oh, I know! I’ll block this person so I don’t see anything and just avoid this person altogether. Yes. I will do that.
“Have you been eating my popcorn?”
Fuck I have been eating your popcorn. I thought you wouldn’t notice. It was literally just one package. Per week.
“Have u been by chance eating my chocolate ice cream?”
Ok this is a bit much. I would never eat someone’s personal pint. That’s like against the rules of feminism. Never eat someone else’s pint. But I did eat the popcorn. So now I’m the primary suspect.
“Put yourself to the test! Take on the 4-wk fitness challenge & get 2 body composition tests to see REAL results–only $59”
Yes! I do need to put myself to the test! I’m finally going to lose that stubborn fat and feel amazing and be featured in those weight loss commercials. Wait-$59?? Is this a scam? I’m starting to think this is a scam.
“I was thinking say she was murdered but not say who killed her.”
WOAH woah woah woah!!! I am NOT going to be involved in a MURDER! WHY am I looped in? How did–ohhh we’re talking about our English presentation tomorrow HA. That makes sense.
“I think you have the wrong number.”
I double checked, I definitely do not have the wrong number.
“No seriously, I think you have the wrong number.”
Ok, now that just hurts my feelings. Am I so incompetent as to not get the right number? I don’t know.
“Brown Alert: The Department of Public Safety and the Providence Police are investigating a suspicious package on Meeting Street near the Life Sciences Building”
So today is the last day of my life. Oh god there’s so much I still want to do! I’m not married! I haven’t been to Australia! I haven’t gotten a concussion! I’ve never gotten to try acid!
“wyd?”
Oh geez, what am I doing? I’m just sitting in bed but I don’t want him to know that. Should I say I’m eating? Taking a shower? Wait no that’s dirty plus I wouldn’t shower with my phone. Or should I say what I’m doing with my life or the plan for the rest of my week? Give him the element of surprise!
*no response*
Ok so they hate me. Absolutely hate me. What did I do? Ok maybe they don’t want to hang out. Maybe I’m annoying. Well those things I texted last night were cringey. Oh my god I hate myself. Should I call? No I hate phone calls. Brb I’m just gonna cry for 20 minutes.
So yes, these texts are awkward and annoying. Have I received them? Maybe. Did I react these ways? Maybeee. But is it better to get these texts than to never be texted at all? To have eaten your roommate’s popcorn and gotten caught than to never have eaten her popcorn at all? I don’t know, you tell me.
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