**WARNING: this post contains spoilers**
At some point in everyone’s life, there will be at least one encounter with grief. It might arise from the loss of a job, the end of a limited TV series, or any other change that alters life as you know it.
Grief is also neither neat nor linear. You may cry, become angry, withdraw, feel empty… none of these things are unusual or wrong. Everyone grieves differently, but there are some commonalities in the stages and the order of feelings experienced during this time.
However, studies have shown that these stages feel the most intense in one particular case: the grief experienced by queer women finishing all nine episodes of The Haunting of Bly Manor. Please use this post as a resource to help you understand your healing process, and find hope that one day you may be whole again.
Stage 1: Denial
After completing the finale of The Haunting of Bly Manor, you will likely feel so overwhelmed, shocked, and heartbroken that you will fantasize that the series will somehow continue. You’ll decide that Dani must find some way to rise from the bottom of that lake and be with Jamie forever.
During this stage, most individuals spend hours -days, even – scrolling through images, gifs, and textposts about Dani and Jamie. This is a common defense mechanism that helps to numb the intensity of the situation. By focusing on the couple’s happy times and beautiful love, you block out all thoughts of the bittersweet end that they meet. You will likely refuse to speak with friends or family about the series for a while, as this would mean acknowledging that it truly is over.
Stage 2: Anger
To hide the emotions and pain that you’re carrying, you will likely direct your feelings at other people and objects in the form of anger. During this stage, many smash their TVs and/or computers with their bare hands, yell obscenities at the ghosts they now assume live in their home, or furiously delete all forms of social media to avoid being reminded of Dani and Jamie in any way.
Stage 3: Bargaining
During this period of grief, you may feel vulnerable and helpless. In these moments of intense emotion, it’s not uncommon to look for ways to regain control or feel like you can affect the ending of the series. In this stage, you may find yourself making a lot of “what if” and “if only” statements, such as:
“If only Dani had let the Lady of the Lake take Flora… then, she and Jamie would have lived happily ever after. I mean, I love the kids, but really they’re just a side plot.”
“What if the reason Dani was finally taken over by Viola was because she believed it was unavoidable? If she’d held her ground against Viola as firmly as Viola did against death, couldn’t she have lived a full life??”
This stage is typically short, as thinking about these optimal alternate scenarios only makes it more upsetting that they didn’t come true, and that Jamie was left all by her little gay self.
Stage 4: Depression
In the early stages of loss, you run from your Haunting-induced emotions. By this point, however, you may be able to embrace and work through them. You may choose to isolate yourself from others in order to fully cope, and will likely feel foggy, heavy, and confused.
In the wake of The Haunting, you will likely start to fill the hole in your heart by watching other Netflix series, likely very light-hearted ones. In comparing their starkly inferior plots, relationships, and characters to those of The Haunting, you will begin to realize how beautiful and moving the series truly was. This will help you to slowly become thankful for even being able to experience the show – and the intense emotions that accompany it – at all. As your anger and sadness turn to gratitude, you will soon reach acceptance.
Stage 5: Acceptance
Acceptance is not always a happy or uplifting stage. It doesn’t mean you’ve moved past the loss of the softest relationship you could ever hope to witness or vicariously experience in your life. It does, however, mean that you’ve come to terms with the fact that you cannot personally change the fate of Dani and Jamie.
You may feel very different in this stage. That’s entirely expected. You’ve had a major change in your life, and that upends the way you feel about many things. Look to acceptance as a way to see that there may be more good days than bad, and that even though you’ve finished the series that finally gave you a reason to be, it will always be available to relive at any time in the form of countless YouTube edits.
I welcome you to share in the comments any resources or self-care advice you have for those of us going through this difficult time. Here are some that have helped me on my journey:
Mamamia recaps The Haunting of Bly Manor: THIS SHOW HAS RUINED ME EMOTIONALLY.
Everyone’s Weeping Over Dani And Jamie From “The Haunting Of Bly Manor,” And Here’s Why
Stay strong🙏