Well, my fellow Brunonians, our spring break has officially come to a close, condemning us for another few months to the cold, barren wasteland we call “College.” And no, I don’t mean physically cold. It’s really not that bad here. I’m talking about an emotional wasteland. After spring break, we are suddenly pulled from the sunshine and thrown back into the push to write more papers, take more midterms, and eat more dining hall food. Ugh.
The next thing we have to look forward to – other than chicken finger Friday, of course – is Spring Weekend 2015. Woohoo! And who do we have to look forward to this year? Let’s see.
We’ve got everyone’s angsty favorite, Modest Mouse; Hudson Mohawke for our DJ/dancey fix; Waka Flocka Flame for (I’m assuming) comedic relief; Pusha T, so we can all just vibe and have a good time; Yeasayer, for hipster creds (“I saw them before they were cool”); Kelela, so we can all be seduced by her incredible voice and make out with each other; and of course, What Cheer? Brigade to get us amped.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Of course you are.
Where in the hell is Kanye West??
I’m serious here, people. Not one but TWO of these acts are affiliated with his label, G.O.O.D. music, and everyone else somehow brings Mr. West to mind. To prove my point, I’ve calculated each artist’s degrees of separation from Kanye West.
Pusha T – 1 degree: He’s not Kanye himself, but he has worked with him on a number of songs, including “Runaway” (!!!) and “Mercy.”
Hudson Mohawke – 1 degree: Again, he’s not Yeezus, but he is a producer on his label. Are you kidding me? That’s just mean.
Waka Flocka Flame – 2 degrees: While he has never been graced by Kanye’s physical presence, Mr. Flame has worked with Nicki Minaj, who was on Kanye’s legendary track “Monster” (I still know all the words to her verse, it’s no big deal). She was also on “Runaway,” which I only mention again because it’s the song I want played at my funeral.
Modest Mouse – 3 degrees: Big Boi, who is one half of the absolutely unforgettable Outkast, has told the press several times that he plans on collaborating with Modest Mouse. When asked about the collaboration, Big Boi claimed that “It’s just like a big-ass brainstorm, a brain-stormin’, tsunami, typhoon, tectonic-plates-movin’ kind of thing…It’s a hodgepodge of funkiness.” Well, whatever it is, it connects Modest Mouse in 3 degrees to Kanye West, who worked with Big Boi’s partner-in-crime Andre 3000 on a number of songs.
Kelela – 3 degrees: According to her Wikipedia page, Kelela once earned glowing praise in the press from Beyonce’s sister, Solange. Solange is related to Bey by blood (can you feel my envy through your computer screen?), who worked with Kanye on plenty of tracks, including but not limited to “Ego.” She knows just how big his cough cough cough ego is.
Yeasayer – 1 million degrees: Yeasayer’s Wikipedia page quotes the band declaring their own music a mix of “Middle Eastern-psych-snap-gospel” and claiming influences in “Bollywood soundtracks from the 70s, Mapfumo records, and Celtic music.” I’m not 100% sure what any of that means, but it certainly doesn’t sound like Kanye West. Bye.
Kanye, if you’re reading this, I know you will do what is right. We need you, Yeezus. After all, you’re the one who said that, “There’s gotta be a way to have more love in the world, more joy, more beauty and understanding.” Bring us that love, joy, beauty, and understanding. Wake up, Mr. West.
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