In an astounding turn of events that defied all known laws of physics and psychology, a woman did not obey the age-old decree of “Give us a smile, beautiful!” On the 18th of September, an unidentified college-age woman was walking down Power Street, Providence, frowning at her cell phone while hiking her tote bag up her shoulder. Upon noticing her, a man – who has elected to remain under the pseudonym of John Smith – asked her to smile. The woman, in a complete subversion of natural order, did not comply and instead arrogantly strutted away.
“It was the most shocking moment of my life,” Mr. Smith revealed in an exclusive interview. “I have never been so blindsided.” When asked to elaborate on his feelings, he wiped his tears and added “I mean, aren’t women supposed to smile when we tell them to?”
Mr. Smith’s thought-provoking question resonated in the hearts of several others. After all, what is a woman to do without the unsolicited expert guidance of far more worldly men? How ever will they learn that they are beautiful when they smile and thus deserving of respect and adoration unless they are told to by men across the street?
Psychiatrists took to social media to express their concern for Mr. Smith. “I am truly concerned about Mr. Smith’s psychological state after this traumatic event,” Dr. Mans Pleighner wrote on X, “Following this significant blow to his self-esteem, I am uncertain about the prospects of his emotional recovery.” Other “mental health professionals” also agreed but were not included in this article due to their unverified status on X.
However, it appears that this emotional trauma was not limited to Mr. Smith, as the shockwaves of the incident rippled through the wider community. Managers expressed concern after large droves of their male employees took time off citing “emotional distress”. Regional bars, however, seemed to be the beneficiaries of this drop in productivity, reporting skyrocketing liquor sales and an increase in patrons frantically explaining the synopsis of the movie “The Godfather”. Elsewhere, men were found deliriously waxing eloquent on why Elon Musk is an unparalleled genius to any person unlucky enough to be in the vicinity.
However, a week on from the incident, calmer spirits and further reflection abound. Following several Reddit threads, polls on Instagram, and YouTube video essays, many have begun to question the perpetrator of this heinous crime. After all, who was this woman that had launched a thousand mental breakdowns?
Reddit user yaegerist420, however, soon ended this discourse with his insightful observation. “Ignoring a man like that?” he commented, “she probably wasn’t even that pretty.”
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