We all know and love SafeWalk. Since 1988, Brown’s well-established safety program has helped ensure that all students have access to a comfortable journey back home. So, following their 30th anniversary last year (and just ahead of spooky szn ‘19), DPS put their heads together and thought up some innovative ideas to help improve campus security. They soon decided that a certain aspect of our safety initiatives has long been missing. That aspect? Follow-through. Now, here at The Rib of Brown we have the scoop on a new and long anticipated program to be rolled out and launched this coming Halloweekend.
Get ready for ShameWalk, Brown’s morning-after solution for your going-home needs:
“Are you a go-getting Brunonian, tired of that less-than-holy trek to your 9am? Does it not excite you to run into your TA mid-morning, walking across Wriston in a mesh top and leather pants? If so, ShameWalk promises to be the service for you! ShameWalk will be staffed by student employees, providing point-to-point walking escorts for their fellow community members. ShameWalk is highly accessible, operating from the early hours through the afternoon (for all you cuddlers xD) and, of course, will be free of charge (break your back, not the bank). Each two-person team patrols campus, dressed in full camouflage to provide maximum discretion.
Getting the attention of a ShameWalk employee is simple. Just wander out into the street and hiss at the sight of broad daylight. Next, look vaguely disoriented, smile awkwardly at a passing acquaintance, and tug twice at your NewTopFromUrbanTM. ShameWalk employees will find you within thirty seconds, and oh-so-subtly commando-roll across the green. Eventually, after one or two discrete aerials, they should reach you. Employees are all equipped with a goodie bag including sneakers, spearmint gum, makeup wipes, and an Egg McMuffin; all guaranteed to help you make it to that ghastly lecture you definitely should have accounted for before all this.”
ShameWalk promises to be an exciting, much-needed complement to existing safety initiatives here at Brown. Our sources at DPS even let slip that a ‘day-after’ phone service will be available to deal with those pesky “what are we?” texts, no hassle. Providing a thorough, ‘no-questions-asked’ service, ShameWalk lets you have the experiences you want, without the inconvenience you don’t.
Stay safe, stay spooky- ShameWalk.
Image via Lucinda Drake.