I recently found myself having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week. The final rejections from clubs that I applied to came rolling in, what I thought were allergies developed into a cold that even the Mucinex monster would be jealous of, and the water bottle that I actually bought myself at the bookstore went missing. I began to wonder how I got into this situation. Could I have been rejected from the clubs due to a lack of skill or experience? Did I get a cold because I hadn’t consumed a vegetable in about three weeks? And could it be that I lost my fifteen-dollar (that’s right fifteen-dollar) water bottle due to my own carelessness?
Before I even had the chance to consider these thoughts fully, I took a look at my window sill. And there I saw the source of all my problems. My lucky bamboo plant was dead. In the midst of filling out club applications, trips to the bookstore, and consuming more cookies than carrots, I had completely forgotten to water my bamboo plant. It turns out that all of my bad luck had not come from a lack of talent or bad judgement, it was because I was a bad plant parent. I immediately tried to solve the problem by over watering it, but it was no use.
I knew that this bamboo plant was lucky because Disney had marketed it to me as so when I bought it in the gift shop of my hotel last spring. I knew the second I saw it sitting on the shelf next to fifty other plants just like it that this was the souvenir I wanted to bring home. It was the perfect blend of nature, mysticism, and capitalism. Disney at its finest.
And in the eight months I was able to keep my lucky bamboo alive, it did not disappoint. I knew that Mickey would never lie to me. In the time from when I got my bamboo to when I involuntarily murdered it, I won a game of Uno, I never got stung by a bee, and Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande got engaged. Granted this last point didn’t work out BUT THEY BROKE UP AFTER MY BAMBOO DIED. Coincidence? I think not! I will now have to scour the globe or at least another Disney hotel until I am able to find another source of such luck in my life.
UPDATE: Since beginning to write this, I dropped my lucky bamboo plant, shattering the elephant shaped pot it was in along with any chance of good things happening to me.