It’s the holiday season, everyone’s most favorite time of the year. Families come together, gifts are exchanged, and there is a faint hint of peppermint wafting through the air. All will be merry and bright, except for one thing; the new season of Tiger King.
We all remember the beginning of quarantine. It was a time filled with uncertainty, horror, and TikTok coffee recipes. The world was on hold, but Netflix wasn’t. We watched five feature-length episodes about a polygamy-practicing, tiger-owning man in Florida fighting with a girlboss who allegedly fed her husband to her own big cats. The hit docuseries became a beacon of inspiration in the lives of many. Inspiration to continue their college education via zoom. Now, people everywhere are decking the halls and donning their tiger print as they settle into a mix of seasonal depression and protective dissociation in defence against the next installment of the show. So, without further ado, here are my tips on how to navigate the holiday season with the new episodes of Tiger King.
- Before starting the show, remember that Netflix has always been bad at second seasons. There is no way Tiger King season 2 will be good. Unless the final episode ends with Carol Baskin driving off into the sunset with a tiger in the passenger seat licking its chops while “Starman” by David Bowie plays in the background, I will consider the entire series a complete failure.
- If you experience the age-old phenomenon of “old male relative repeatedly questioning what you are watching,” you may be eligible for a complete breakdown. Crying one’s eyes out on the bathroom floor –– whilst family is gathered downstairs decorating cookies –– is a favorite holiday tradition of many that can provide some catharsis to the brewing existential crisis that is inevitable after watching a Netflix documentary.
- Finally, if all else fails, might I suggest giving up on the holidays entirely and spending the subsequent weeks in a TV-induced coma so that you don’t have to process anything until years down the line when you pass along your genetic emotional baggage to your children.
Happy Holidays!
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