You meet her at the freshman orientation ice cream social and ask where she’s from. Without missing a beat, she replies, “Just Outside of Boston.” You aren’t from Massachusetts, so you don’t press her further. Who would lie about being from Boston? You naively believe she is “wicked local.” You are wrong. Little do you know, she was born and raised in Osborne, Maine. Population: 65.
I know it’s easy to give her the benefit of the doubt. But she is a phony and a fake. People at this school say they are from “Just Outside of Boston” and then name anywhere east of the Mississippi as their hometown. Just because there is only one major highway between you and Boston, doesn’t mean you are “just outside” of it. Just because there is a Dunkin’ in your town, does not mean you are “just outside” of Boston either. Dunkin’ is actually a pretty large company. If your town’s makeout spot doesn’t literally have a view of the city, you are not “just outside” of Boston.
She has never run into Mark Wahlberg on her way to the MBTA commuter boat. She didn’t go to the same high school as Charlie Coyle and have girls from her dance team join the Patriots and Celtics dance teams (shout out Janelle and Jackie). She’s never even slept over the Boston Museum of Science on her big 4th grade field trip. And if she was ever called “wicked pissah” by a middle-aged Bostonian named Mike Irish-Catholic-Last-Name, she would probably think it had something to do with a UTI.
And she’s not even from the part of Maine by north shore Mass!!!! She might as well be from Just Outside of Quebec.