New CDC Guidelines Instruct Hand-Washing to Tune of Bob Dylan’s “Murder Most Foul”
If it's a good idea for people to wash their hands for twenty seconds, it's probably an even better idea for them to wash them...
Times When The New York Times Crossword Puzzle Just Got it Wrong
The silly NY Times doesn't realize that they've left too may spaces in their crossword for the right answer.
I wanna thank the Academy, I guess?
Yep, this is exactly what we asked for.
Parents! Check your kids’ candy wrappers!
Gone are the days of simple razor blades. Stay vigilant grownups.
Who Will Text Me When the 2020 Election is Over?
I didn't realize just how committed these candidates were to reaching out to voters and (more importantly) reaching fundraising goals. But now the texts are...
Sorry I’m Not Clean-Shaven, No Matter How Much You Like To Pretend My Bare Head Is An Ice Cream Cone
I just can’t be all fresh and oily every waking minute, no matter how much fun it is to lick my freshly shaven scalp and...
I Am Colin Jost and This Is My Smirk
Whenever I pause in between Weekend Update bits to smile knowingly at the camera, I am usually thinking about myself, or Lorne Michaels, or myself...
What Does Your Dying House Plant Say About You?
♫ It’s beginning to look a lot like… that god-awful time of year when you barely have enough time or wherewithal to feed yourself, let...
I Heard the Voice of God and It Was Shrill and Unwelcoming
Last Friday, the heavens opened, and I heard the voice of God. At least I’m 99% sure it was God. I had woken up on...
Bros Love to Post Hot Pics With Their Cousins on Instagram
I’m not one to care about what bros post on Instagram, because the content is usually the same. Either they show off their pong skills...