Girl with Bangles Gives World’s Worst Handjob
Dating back to 2600 BCE Mesopotamia, bangles have been the ultimate feminine accessory: symbols of luck, beauty, and undeniable sexual energy. Their timelessness and versatility...
Here are the Top Ten Times to Performatively Nod Your Head in Class
I am someone who desperately needs people to know how smart I am feels that it is sometimes nice to be recognized by my peers...
Report: Brown-Harvard Game Nothing Like Bottoms
No one even kissed >:(
Brown Admissions Self-Guided Tours to Now Include Walk-Of-Shame Simulation
In an effort to provide a more “authentic glimpse into the Brown undergraduate experience,” the Office of Admissions has announced that all self-guided tours will...
Thank God You Go to Brown, Because This Essay Wouldn’t Fly Anywhere Else
Brown University has always been known as the ‘weird’ Ivy, but I didn’t know we were known as the school of “freaky-ahh” sexually repressed incels....
Trump Administration Hits Brown with $510 Million Funding Freeze, Rib of Brown Asks: Will there still be Milkshakes at Jo’s?
In its latest episode of “who the fuck asked for this?”, the Trump administration announced that it would be freezing $510 million in federal funding...
I Hate The Lindemann
I hate the Lindemann I hate the Lindemann I hate the Lindemann I hate the Lindemann I hate the Lindemann I hate the Lindemann I...
There Are Still Four More Days of Hanukkah. Mom, Dad, it’s Not Too Late to Get Me an Authentic 19th-Century Penny Farthing Bicycle.
As long as I can remember, I have only wanted to possess a single thing: an authentic 19th century penny farthing bicycle. As a child,...
The Rib Endorses Ricky Zhong for President of the United States
Reject Red and Blue. Vote Brown.
10 Things to Do Instead of Grad School, Because the Scariest Thing Is Your Future
Happy Halloween! Goblins, ghouls, graduate studies. Are you scared? Here are some safer, more palatable alternatives. You don’t need an MFA to write riddles that...