Spring Weekend: A Fresh Perspective
My Spring Weekend probably went a little differently than yours. While you were pregaming with friends, bedecked in your finery of crop tops and glittering...
Coachella vs. Spring Weekend
Entrance Coachella – Parks car in parking lot and walks a mile to find the entrance. Prays that the machine will recognize the wristband. Spring...
To The One Who Broke My Heart
My Dearest, I hope you are well. It’s been a couple of days since you walked out my shitty Perkins door, and I know you...
Pass(These Damn Exams)over
Well, it’s that time of year again. Your friendly neighborhood Jews are throwing out all their baked goods (protip: Passover is the best time of...
The Condemning Concentration
Earlier this week, I received an email that may or may not determine the rest of my path through life. “Congratulations, your concentration has been...
How to Be Gwyneth Paltrow: College Student Edition
by Nicole Martinez Are you a rich, famous, pretentious, attractive individual? Of course you’re not! You’re a bloated college student whose diet consists of Jo’s mozzy sticks,...
Ratty Romance (And Other Dining Hall Dream Dates)
I had a dream that I got hit on at the Ratty salad bar. An at-night dream, an aspirational dream, both—who’s to say? The point...
I Was Sexy (and Then I Finished Reading)
I discovered my sensuality in the Ratty. No, this is not a joke. On a chilly Saturday morning, I sat down to breakfast in the...
Buying Spring Weekend Tickets: A Time Log
I think the process of buying Spring Weekend tickets is stressful and annoying for everyone. It seems that website crashes are a dime...
Is Everyone Having Sex Without Me?
I have found that the idiom “the walls have ears” applies weirdly and surprisingly well to university life. Last year in my freshmen dorm, I...