Please Help Me, Lin-Manuel Miranda
Dear Mr. Miranda, Hey, Lin! First off, I just want to say that I love Hamilton. I anticipated its release last September, and it quickly...
A Day In the Life On the Hill, In Haiku
I sit by Blueno with my blueberry bagel, bought from the Blue Room. +++ Back row of lecture, I see a couple kissing. Too early for...
Will You Go Bald?
It’s the million dollar or $39.99 box of rogaine question that’s on everyone’s mind. Will you go bald? The answer to that question lies in...
Pitbull and Moms: A Theory
I’ve only been in college for about a month now, and yet frenzied and overzealous pals are already talking about dreams of graduate schools and...
What is Ophiuchus?
Dear reader, are you sitting down? Good, because everything you know is a lie. Apparently, there. Is. A. Thirteenth. Zodiac. Sign. I’m sure you are...
The Prefrontal Cortex Blues
It’s Wednesday night, and I have a ton of work to do. I go home to make dinner, and, while I wait for the water...
The Rock-Paper-Solution
We solve small problems with passive-aggressive Facebook posts, and big problems by crying in the shower. We solve national problems by dying our skin orange...
Give Us Back Our OG Emojis
I’m not enough of an Apple geek to freak out over every new iPhone, and I’m usually several months behind on my iOS updates because...
All the Small Things (You Swallow While You Sleep)
“Dude, you know you swallow 8 spiders in your sleep during your lifetime.” “What? I don’t know if that’s true ‘cause — ”...
5 Best Movie Sex Scenes to Watch Uncomfortably With Your Parents
While many of us learned about the birds and the bees from an older sibling, a parent, or a 4th grad Sex Ed. Class (If...