Secret Santa Gift Guide
I don’t know about you, but I had a terrific summer. One of my favorite parts of this summer is that it wasn’t winter. Fuck...
Meeting the Plants
Somehow I’m now someone who owns plants. Not just a plant, but plural plants. Two to be exact. I started out with such meager goals:...
Elements of Style
I would have never worn clogs in high school. I would have never worn turtlenecks or long dresses either because those were all things old...
Broken Door Handle: A Tragic Tale
Typical dorm bathrooms are gross. They’re ridden with hair clumps and vomit-residue and there’s always the faint, nauseating smell of someone’s post-Chipotle shit. But thanks to the work...
Hello, Adult Coloring Books
In many ways, college is a lot like preschool. You nap in the afternoon, eat mediocre food, and spend a lot of time missing your...
It Came to Me in a Dream
Have you ever had those dreams where all of your teeth fall out? Where you’re flying? Being chased by something? Have you ever had those...
Your Thanksgiving Horoscope
Aquarius: There are going to be an unprecedented number of obscure relatives at dinner this year, and they’re all going to ask “how you are”...
My Feet Can’t Touch The Ground
My journey to spending my days cleaning my half of a dorm room floor began unexpectedly. For some reason, one day the sarcastic banter that...
Hi, Nice To Meet Me
IDK bout u, but I had a really good summer. It was mostly good because I spent an unusually small percentage of it hating myself,...
The Least Favorite Color
The results are in! Turns out yellow is the statistical least favorite color. To clarify, it’s not America’s “least favorite” color (that’s usually brown or orange), it’s...