In their latest social-justice campaign, the Brown University Football Team is now offering “mammograms” on the Main Green in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month.
For ten dollars, one of the football players will give you a “mammogram,” which they explain as “a little grabby to check that the ladies are all good.” “We’re not actually allowed to call them mammograms ‘cuz we’re not using X-rays or anything, but it’s basically the same thing ‘cuz we all really know what we’re doing,” said Tony Buckley, Quarterback. “A lot of us really know boobs well… from our moms and also girls here,” Tight End Brent Nutting added, referring to Brown.
When The Rib asked about the accuracy of these exams, team members assured us that there was nothing to worry about. “We spend a lot of time working on our grip strength and, uh, catching things, so we’re pretty in touch with our fingers, I’d say.” Plus, Running Back Bruce Cray assured us, “The rest of the team will be watching the whole thing, so if we do something wrong, someone will definitely catch it and correct us. But I’ve touched like… lots of boobs in my years so don’t worry!”
When asked why the team chose to give back in this way, many of the players expressed a deep appreciation for the female breast. “This cause is just really important to me because boobs are really dope and I want to help protect them,” said Buckley. “Some are big, some are small, they’re all good really and we just don’t want them to get sick.”
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