Women’s History Month just wrapped up, and women and other marginalized genders have been fighting for a seat at the table for too long. But here’s the thing: you wouldn’t try to find a seat at a dinner party full of dudes with Rollys and too much cologne trying to out-mansplain each other. That’s not a table you want to be at, and you deserve so much better. Since we’re not groveling for invitations at subpar tables, here’s a Rib-approved plan of action:
1. Overthrow the table
Picture a classic Black Widow scene where there’s a bunch of big buff guys who think they’re all that, and then Scarlett Johannson comes strolling in and single-handedly takes down every single one. She’s overturned quite a few tables, and she does it with style. Will it be a traditional uppercut kind of day, or do you want to get fancy and come in with lasers? The possibilities are endless, and that table doesn’t stand a chance.
2. Dance on the table
Maybe you want to do this before you overthrow, and maybe it should be a full shoes-on-the-table moment. Maybe they’re gym converse, maybe they’re red bottoms, or maybe you’re barefoot. Regardless, stomp out all that misogyny and look good doing it.
3. Invest in a standing desk
The future is female, and what greater symbol of the future of tables than a standing desk. You can customize it to your height, add all the stationery and succulents you want, and get a mini-treadmill to model-walk on while working. Everyone who said you couldn’t have it all were clearly wrong–you can have all of that and more.
4. Explore the alternatives
Do we really need tables? To me, they just seem like shapes propped up by more shapes. They start falling apart when you don’t put a coaster down, and their corners are always out to get you when you’re moving too quickly.
5. Build your own
The craftsmanship would probably be better, it would be way more sexy, and you would actually want to sit there– to both spill tea and plan your takeover of the world.
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