Inspired by a conversation with the inimitable Sara “no-H” Caskey.
Dear Rib,
I am writing to you with a unique and disturbing concern. It seems that, after years of diligently attending weekly therapy sessions, I can no longer sit on a couch without grossly oversharing. I first started noticing I had a problem when I went over to a friend’s house for drinks, and I instantly launched into the story of that time in third grade when I peed my pants in front of my crush, who immediately started laughing. My friends looked vaguely surprised, but I took their silence as a signal to keep talking. I pride myself on being an avid self-diagnoser, so I launched deep into my theories of how this incident laid the groundwork for my issues with intimacy and commitment, as well as my tenuous relationship with online dating. By this point, a few guests had moved away, but I powered through. Then the crying began. I just sat there, waiting for someone to offer me a Kleenex, but, alas, none came. There wasn’t a even a jar of thinking putty or one of those fun sand things to play with. It wasn’t until I realized that there was not a single stock image of a flower on the wall that I finally remembered I was not in a therapist’s office. A similar thing has happened several times since. I have to go to office hours this week, but I’m scared that the professor might have one of those little couches and I’ll start parsing my relationship with my mother and its evolution over time. What do I do????
Please, dear God, help me,
Sofia
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Dear Sofa,
Thank you for your message! Believe it or not, you are the third person this month to have written us with this concern. One of our readers, for example told us that she finds herself handing over a copay every time she hooks up with someone on a couch. As I’m sure you can imagine, this has led to some uncomfortable interactions. Another reader noticed that the extreme divulging only occurs when she sits on a couch that is either shockingly hard (the kind you sort of bounce off of) or unbearably soft (so that you sink all the way in until just your extremities are poking out). As with all issues of this nature, symptoms vary greatly among individual patients. Though we are not specialists, we have found that the best method is simply to employ honest and direct communication with all parties involved after such an event has occurred. However, if you really want to attack the root of the problem, we recommend that you speak with a trained professional. We know this suggestion is a little out there, but have you ever considered seeing a therapist? I’m sure you haven’t thought of this yet, but they might really be able to help. We sincerely hope this answers your question, Sofa!
All the best,
The Rib Writers xoxo