Jean Claude: Welcome back to Are They Dying or Are You Crazy?, the only game show where we use the plethora of knowledge gathered by four hypochondriacs to diagnose strangers with wild diseases. I’m your host, Jean-Claude, and today we are going to answer the question “are they dying or are you crazy?” Let’s meet today’s contestants…Julie is a graduate student from Greater Annapolis studying, you guessed it, Public Health and most recently she diagnosed herself with a terminal brain tumor. Paul is a supermarket cashier from Detroit and he is convinced he is in the late stages of liver failure. Tracy is a mom of four from Copake Falls, New York, who has been investigated by CPS on two separate occasions for alleged Munchausen’s by proxy after her daughter was flagged as being at the ER fourteen times in one month with no apparent diagnosis. Finally, we have Bill, an outdoor leadership program runner from Manchester, Vermont, who has seen one too many hikers succumb to sepsis after a rattlesnake bite. Alright folks, let’s get into our first case…Renee, a 45 year old single mother who has a history of tobacco use and alcoholism, is admitted into the hospital by her primary care physician after developing a cough. What’s your diagnosis? Is she dying or are you crazy? Julie, you’re up first.
Julie: Well, immediately I think stave four metastatic lung cancer given Renee’s history, but also that might be too obvious so I’m gonna go with pleural effusion caused by the cigarettes.
Jean Claude: Ok, Julie, your guess is pleural effusion, which is a buildup of fluid between the layers of the lungs. Let’s see if you’re right. Is Renee dying or is Julie crazy? Nope, no pleural effusion, Renee has walking pneumonia that she caught from her five-year-old son, Darren. Julie…You. Are. Crazy! Now, onto our next patient. Kim is a 32-year-old female presenting with extreme thirst and hunger. Bill, what’s your verdict? Is she dying or are you crazy?
Bill: I’m gonna say dying. She’s got the classic signs of Type 1 Diabetes, but given her age I don’t think it’s autoimmune but rather the result of a large mass on her pancreas.
Jean Claude: Ok, so is Kim suffering from diabetes caused by a tumor sitting on her pancreas? No, of course she isn’t. Kim is a marathon runner and is training for an Ironman. She’s thirsty and hungry because she just got back from an eighteen mile run and a two mile swim. Bill…You. Are. Crazy! Ok, on to our third case, Tracy, this one is yours. George is an 11-year-old boy who started complaining of shin pain after soccer practice in which he was kicked by another child. Now, I’m really laying it out for you here Tracy: he probably has a bruised shin.
Tracy: Well, my instincts tell me this is more serious than it seems. I think that he is in more pain than usual because he is in fact suffering from a bone infection in his leg and he thinks he was kicked but he is actually hallucinating because of a fever caused by sepsis. You almost got me there Jean-Claude.
Jean Claude: Ok, Tracy. The answer that I suggested to you was a bruise and your answer was bone infection and sepsis. Let’s see what the correct answer is…and it’s a bruise. Can’t really feel any sympathy for you Tracy, you really dug yourself into that one. Tracy…You. Are. Crazy! Onto our final patient. Cory is a 21-year-old female who has lately been complaining of hip pain and stiffness. Paul, I’m gonna give you an extra hint. She recently fell off her horse during a competition and has already been cleared by the X-ray team at the ER. They said she had some bruising and swelling caused by a contusion on her bone. They already diagnosed her, so you just have to agree or disagree with it, Paul. So, what do you think, is Cory dying or are you crazy?
Paul: I’m gonna say that her symptoms are in line with a hematoma at the point of impact. It is probably stiff because she might have hit her head and is about to have a stroke. She needs to be seen by a neurologist immediately.
Jean Claude: Ok, Paul’s final answer is that she fell off her horse and miraculously developed a blood clot in her hip and is currently having a stroke from an unrecorded head injury. Great…let’s see what the answer is. And, of course, Cory’s pain and stiffness are a result of her falling off an 1100 pound animal going forty miles per hour. Paul…You. Are. Crazy! Ok, so everyone is 0 for 4 which is pretty much what I expected. Terrible job everyone. I’ve been your host, Jean-Claude and this has been Are They Dying or Are You Crazy?