The Ratty is a beacon of joy and consistency in an otherwise mundane existence. For three meals a day, seven days a week, you can count on the Sharpe Refectory to fulfill all your goldfish and green banana needs. While the cuisine is already pretty prime, below I have combined some tips and tricks to take your overall dining experience to the next level. And I would know–I have been here a whole six months.
Say hai to Gail.
Perhaps this first tip is far too obvious, but I would be remiss not to include it. After all, what is the Ratty without its queen? Sure, every employee at the Ratty is uniquely talented at swiping your Brown ID at the register, but nobody does it quite like Gail. Everyone knows that swiping is an art. But for Gail, it is not a performance art, and herein lies all the difference. She wastes no time. Efficiency is her middle name, and yet, she is anything but robotic. Perhaps the nicest person on campus, Gail’s gentle, airy “hai” can make a bad day a great one. You know she greets everyone she swipes in the same way, but for some reason, you feel like there is really something special between you two. No Gail, how are YOU today?
Stick to the basics.
It’s all too easy to get caught up in the bright, fluorescent lights of the Ratty. There’s something about having unlimited access to virtually unlimited types of food that makes you want to get creative. Although your intentions are good, you’re best off not trying to get too fancy. Just because you put some french fries in a bowl, toss a slice of American cheese on top, and pour on some gravy doesn’t mean you have yourself a Poutine. Either chef up a hot dog or PBJ, or pack your knives and go.
Easy on the coffee milk.
We’ve all been there. You’re a first year who had never even been to Rhode Island before touring Brown, and now you’re here, and it has happened. You’ve discovered coffee milk. You didn’t even know such a beverage existed a few months ago, and now it flows freely through your veins like the plasma of an ancient God. How has the rest of the country–nay, the rest of the world–not experienced the beauty of this divine beverage yet? Your first semester at Brown can be particularly rough. The intoxicating taste of pure coffee syrup and sugar mixed with fresh Rhode Island milk is like nothing you have ever experienced before, and the pure euphoria you experience while drinking it surely outweighs the overwhelming feeling of nausea that is bound to ensue. Just remember: You have four years to catch up on the 18 years of life you spent without coffee milk. You don’t need to play catch-up all in one semester.
Avoid eye contact with the compost police.
The compost police are the SCARIEST people on campus. With those fluorescent vests and their judgemental gaze, it’s nearly impossible to maintain your composure around them. The best thing you can do is to try and avoid eye contact, at least until you are done clearing your plate. If they catch you putting a napkin in the garbage instead of the compost, though… Well, good luck with that.
Don’t be a slacker, be a good stacker.
It’s happened to you. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to Joey from EmWool who sits behind you in Econ. You’re putting your dishes away, and when you go to put your plate down on the stack of everyone else’s, you see that there is already a mug on top of them. Now you have no choice but to half hazardous stick your plate in sideways between some bowls and the edge of the bin, forcing the person behind you to perform an even more difficult balancing act.
Don’t be the person to start this trainwreck. When putting your dishes away, put your plate on the stack of plates, and your bowl on the stack of bowls. Even if it means you have to take an extra one step to reach the next bin and put your plate away properly, do it. It’s easy to not be a dick!
Fill a bowl with sprinkles.
Pouring spoonfuls of sprinkles onto your ice cream cone and hoping that at least half of them will stick is for amateurs. To eat soft serve like a pro, fill the waffle-like grid surface of your wafer cone with sprinkles, fill up your cone with ice cream, and then pour at least an inch of sprinkles into a bowl. Dip, enjoy, and thank me later.
Be shameless.
Don’t let societal norms of “healthy eating” get you down. At Brown, conformity is stigmatized more than anything else, except maybe Republicanism. Sure, that salad bar hosts a variety of colors and textures that would make your doctor proud, but when was the last time you had free reign access to Frosted Flakes AND Frosted Mini Wheats? I guess what I am really trying to say is that a plate of fries is always a valid option.
I hope these tips and tricks have provided you with some insight on how to best enjoy the Ratty. Happy dining, little rodents!