Tickling is a weird concept. On the one hand, you may have memories like your parents making you feel warm and fuzzy inside, laughing until you cried or peed your pants. Or maybe your siblings tackled and tickled you against your will. These memories could bring smiles to your face or twinges of fear. Whether it’s behind the knees that gets you, or the side of the waist, the ticklish population is very divided. Snorts, contorted postures, intermittent swearing between gasps of air: this is either your greatest dream or darkest nightmare.
Today, two Rib writers tackle the tickle issue: Chloe Burns, who despises anyone who even threatens to touch the bottom of her feet and Daniella Balarezo, who is basically a human Tickle Me Elmo.
Chloe: People who tickle other people are definitely the worst. The WORST, Daniella.
Daniella: Chloe, I don’t get you. Tickling is the best kind of feeling. THE BEST.
Chloe: Oh yeah, because being held down until tears stream down your face from the confusing mix of pain and pleasure seems like a great time. Snot dripping down into your open mouth, limbs cramping, never being able to see the end. *shudders*
Daniella: Tickling isn’t Guantanamo, Chloe. (Who tickles you like this?!) Yes, there’s a weird kind of powerlessness that comes from tickling– but it’s kind of great! You only ever feel the sensation of being tickled when you are being tickled. It’s like, you know how people drink to just kind of let go? Tickling is kind of like that. Like you just have to let go, literally, because you can’t do much about it.
Chloe: I’m no Elsa. I can’t just let it go, because A) who knows what embarrassing noises I’ll make in front of people (oh my god what if you fart) and B) I’d rather have a million other sensations than the combo asthma attack + electro shock therapy that is tickling. I mean, what exactly does it do for you?
Daniella: Okay, you got me, because I’m a sucker for Frozen references, but also yeah, I guess the possible noises are a scary consequence. Because you know how people can have different kinds of laughs? I hate the laugh I get from tickling. It’s the equivalent to my ugly cry, but in laugh form. But I feel like having an asthma attack and electroshock therapy is a little extreme? I do have to admit, though, that sometimes I want the tickling to stop. But I also don’t want it to stop? Like, it feels really good, but also I need it to end. It’s kind of like being at a concert of a band you love but then being tired of standing and wanting badly to go home and eat a tub of ice cream. I just like that it’s kind of a free laugh, too. I had to put in no work to release endorphins. Is that a thing? Does tickling release endorphins? Whatever– are you saying it has never brought you joy??!
Chloe: Well, there was this one time. With this boy. Let’s call him…erm…Danny.
Daniella: Go on…
Chloe: Back in high school, where hormones were so abundant you could basically see them, the tension between Danny and I was thick with pubescent angst. But the awkwardness of being seventeen got in the way of us actually getting together. One fateful night we were sitting next to each other, and I mentioned how ticklish I was. It didn’t take long for a little rom-com scene to ensue; he tickled me and I squirmed a little closer, I tickled him and he writhed a little closer too. This cycle continued until we were breathless, our faces nearly touching, and then he finally kissed me.
Daniella: Yaaaasss! I. am. so. about. this. Tickling as a romantic move is something I’m all for. Like, if you’ve ever tickled me, I’m a little in love with you. So, I’m like a little in love with multiple people right now. It’s fine. I’m okay with it.
Chloe: Whatever works for you Daniella. It was great with Danny, but then the same move happened to me at least two other times. What playbook is this from?
Daniella: Oh my god, Chloe. Just let your life be a movie starring Rachel McAdams, why don’t you? You think any relationship is original and special? Have you read too many John Green books? Just tickle me like one of your French girls. Let’s fall in love and be basic.
Chloe: Maybe I consider myself a little more of a Suzanne Collins kind of girl. More spontaneous and impulsive you know? It’s just, tickling makes me feel even more like a kid than my below-average height does. It takes me back to that place of the “tickle monster.” But I’m a grownass adult that does adult things. I cooked dinner last night! I do laundry and I think I pay taxes…
Daniella: Ok, true, I definitely feel like a child when I’m being tickled. Isn’t that fun, though?
Chloe: Maybe. Except when I pee a little. That’s a small-child experience I’d rather not relive.
Daniella: Are you kidding? Peeing from tickling is the best kind of peeing! Second only to peeing in the woods. It’s just so carefree.
Chloe: On that note, agree to disagree? As long as you also agree to never tickle me.
Daniella: Deal.
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