Sneak Preview Of My Upcoming Celebrity Memoir
I don’t know about you, but my summer was amazing. It was so good I managed to convince myself for the first time ever that...
Annoying Walkers
Lately around campus, people have been annoying me more than usual. Too often I find myself walking somewhere and minding my own business, when suddenly...
Overcoming Tinder Phobias
For many years I possessed an acute phobia of Tinder. It freaked me out to think about strange boiz in strange places looking at pictures...
Conspiracies On The Hill
You know, I really love a good conspiracy theory. Aliens in Area 51? Um, yes bitch, the truth is out there! Did Bush do 9/11 (and...
Please Help Me, Lin-Manuel Miranda
Dear Mr. Miranda, Hey, Lin! First off, I just want to say that I love Hamilton. I anticipated its release last September, and it quickly...
A Day In the Life On the Hill, In Haiku
I sit by Blueno with my blueberry bagel, bought from the Blue Room. +++ Back row of lecture, I see a couple kissing. Too early for...
Will You Go Bald?
It’s the million dollar or $39.99 box of rogaine question that’s on everyone’s mind. Will you go bald? The answer to that question lies in...
Pitbull and Moms: A Theory
I’ve only been in college for about a month now, and yet frenzied and overzealous pals are already talking about dreams of graduate schools and...
What is Ophiuchus?
Dear reader, are you sitting down? Good, because everything you know is a lie. Apparently, there. Is. A. Thirteenth. Zodiac. Sign. I’m sure you are...
The Founding Daddies
Lying, cheating, and presidential sex: it’s never just been for Bill “Slick Willy” Clinton and Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon. The following is an analysis of...