This summer, I did what no one my age has ever done before: I deleted my social media accounts. Obviously not for good (we all knew I’d be back), but I just deleted the apps from my phone. I have been enlightened, I feel like a new person, I feel reborn – even though the second I got back to college I redownloaded everything because how am I supposed to figure out whether I know someone or not if I can’t see if I follow them on Instagram? And yes, I probably ended up having the same amount of screen time because of everything I was doing on my phone instead of binge-watching “Satisfying Slime and Fidget Compilations” on Instagram, but that doesn’t matter! If you too want to delete social media, this is your sign! Allow me to delve into all of the exciting and life-changing things I did while not being addicted to social media like the rest of you screenagers…
- I got addicted to YouTube shorts!
I don’t think YouTube counts as social media, or at least this is how I justified using it. I was doing fine, watching Mukbangs and in-depth analyses of Pretty Little Liars, until one day I discovered a feature on the app that looked a lot like TikTok, or (shudder) Instagram Reels. I clicked the first TikTok-reel hybrid, and I relapsed. Everything I never needed to see, all given to me at the click of a finger in 15-second shorts, perfectly designed to satisfy my awful attention span. Every day, I would shade my phone from the world, so no one would know what I was watching. I am ashamed of this phase but I want to be the candid role model that the world needs me to be.
- I read the news more!
This caused me to be extremely depressed and anxious about the state of the world. This did not indeed help my mental health. I am a strong believer in reading the news, but I’d advise against looking at it all day every day. Unfortunately, this constant reloading of the news cycle was how I immediately found out that Olivia Newton John died (rip) and that Alec Baldwin accidentally killed someone?? On the set of his movie?? We are truly living in unprecedented times.
- I stalked people through Spotify!
It is amazing how much you can learn about a person through their playlists and who they follow! Like, did you know that you can make yourself extremely tormented by realizing your ex and his new thing both have the same love song on their most recent playlists? And it was a song that he showed you?! Technology is incredible.
- I now like Kombucha!
Does this correlate with the social media cleanse? Or was I just previously too scared to spend $7.50 on a bottle of vinegar juice and not like it? No matter the case, I am now in extreme debt because of this drink that I’m not sure is even helping my “gut health” but has a fizzy pomegranate flavor that makes me happy. Drinking it and reading my silly little book instead of being on my phone really fueled my granola-and-definitely-not-like-other-girls-in-my-town complex.
- My sixteen year old brother had to explain to me what unspoken Riz was!
Being off social media, specifically TikTok, means you miss out on certain “key” phrases our generation uses. Because of this, my only source of modernity was my younger brother who would report to me what the latest things were. Having my brother tell me that Trisha Paytas’ baby was possibly the Queen of England reincarnated was not a conversation I ever thought I’d have, and was what unfortunately inspired me to redownload TikTok.
To make a long story short, I did not read any more books or learn a useful hobby. I did not pick up exercising or do many productive things. However, I can now brag to everyone I know that I went on a social media cleanse (conveniently leaving out the part where I redownloaded everything again) and have them think I am super cool and mysterious and off the grid in a Paper Towns kind of way. #Success.