Alternatively, a day in my life if every little thing that made me unreasonably uncomfortable happened to me on the same day because they actually all happened to me today.
9:55 am, walking through the Main Green
My acquaintance-friend who is really more of an acquaintance than a friend but who I feel the inexplicable need to impress walks by me and says “hey Mira, what’s up?” Well, fuck. My go-to response “I’m good, how are you?” is immediately off the table. How could I possibly answer “what’s up?” in the four seconds it will take for this acquaintance to walk past me? “What’s up” is that I have forgotten to go to my S/NC class for three weeks in a row, is that it’s my brother’s birthday tomorrow and I haven’t gotten him anything yet, is that I woke up too late to shower this morning so I’m wearing a baseball cap and can’t really tell if the sporty chic thing works for me, and is that I have to call and make a haircut appointment later. I decide to just go with “not much, how about you?” but feel INFINITELY lame for not having something better to say and for hesitating to ask until it was too late for her to respond.
10:12 am, bench on the Main Green
I have to make an appointment for a haircut and my mom really won’t do it for me this time. I go outside of Faunce even though it’s 31 degrees because I have a secret fear that it will be too loud inside the Blue Room for me to hear the person on the other side of the phone. I word-vomit all of my information (phone number, date of birth, home address) which they simply don’t need before I even say that I’m calling to make a haircut appointment. In the end, I agree to a 2 pm appointment even though I have class at that time. After hanging up the phone, I have immediate regrets and try to rationalize that haircuts are more important than class and that I really couldn’t have made it work during my other 5 hours of free time on that day.
12:04 pm, Ratty
I’m meeting my friend in the Ratty, and she texted me “here” but I texted back “where exactly are you sitting” and she hasn’t responded yet. I’ve already swiped in, so I guess I’ll have to find her the old-fashioned way. I’m trying to walk through the Ratty at rush hour like I’m looking for a friend and I’m not alone, but I’m really not sure I’m pulling that off. I turn the corner and physically run my body into a boy I used to hook up with. Not great. A red-faced mix of “oh sorry,” “how have you been,” and “gotta go” follow. Finally find my friend by the omelette station, but at this point, I’m too nervous to get up and get more food so I guess I’m stuck with whatever is on my plate. It’s just rice.
2:25 pm, LIST 120
My phone buzzes against my desk, alerting everyone in my class–professor included–to the fact that I am receiving a phone call. Is it the scam call telling me I’ve been indicted in federal court which I get at least once a week OR did my hairdresser somehow figure out that I’m not actually available for my haircut? If I don’t listen to it I’ll never have to know. I might lose my appointment, but at least I won’t have to make another phone call and face the judgement of my hairdresser over my poor planning.
4:45 pm, the Underground
I run into my friend Julia and she invites me to sit at her table. At said table is Julia’s cute friend Jack who I met at a party this weekend. Julia starts to introduce me to Jack, but I, trying to be the suave girl I definitely, totally am, cut her off and say “Jack. Yeah, we met this weekend at that pregame.” Jack, being the unaffected boy he actually is, makes no sign of recognition and instead says, “remind me of your name again?”
7:03 pm, Jo’s salad line
I get to Jo’s, hoping to grab food and go, since I failed to make social dinner plans tonight. The salad line is snaking all the way to the register, but I just really don’t want a quesadilla tonight. I get in the line, and after 5 minutes of social media scrolling, run out of new content. I suddenly get extremely self-conscious–it’s one thing to stand in a really long line with friends, and it’s another alone. I’m starting to question my decision making skills–is this line too long to be worth waiting in? If I was with friends, I would know the answer based on what they decided. Were people around me judging me for my stupid choice to stand in this long line? DON’T THEY KNOW I WASN’T IN THE MOOD FOR A QUESADILLA???
9:20 pm, SciLi
As I’m swiping in, the security guy says “good evening” to me. Feeling that “good evening” is a bit too formal for my laid-back attitude, I start to respond “good” without thinking about what word will follow. The word that follows is “morning.” At 9:20 pm.
3:43 am, my bed
My phone won’t stop buzzing. Apparently my hairdresser is indicting me in federal court for failing to successfully schedule my haircut appointment. When I get to court, the judge is the the boy I used to hook up with and the jury is made up of every acquaintance friend I’ve ever wanted to impress. They ask me what I plead and in a panic, I shout “guilty!” I’m sentenced to stand in the Jo’s salad line for the rest of my life.
I jerk awake in a cold sweat. Thank God that was just a dream. Maybe my day has proved that I’m too awkward to deal with regular adult life, but my dream has proved that it could be much worse.
Image via Sarah Clapp.