I’m pretty sure I just figured out what the hell is going on with the Austin & Ally boys.

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Warning: Spoilers from Hulu’s The Act below.

If you were born between the years of 1997 and 2004, chances are that you know that Austin & Ally was the (eighth) best original show to ever air on Disney Channel. The plot itself doesn’t hold a candle to some other Disney shows, but it marks the transition between Old Disney and New Disney. Ask any Disney snob, and they will tell you that the shows that came before it (“Wizards of Waverly Place”, “Hannah Montana”) are of a higher quality than Austin & Ally was, while the shows that came after it (“Bizaardvark”, “Bunk’d”) are all but unwatchable.  

Perhaps it is its position as the last “watchable” original series Disney released, and not the plot, that makes Austin & Ally the cultural icon of a generation that it is. But it’s not just the shows that have transcended into a new era–it’s the stars too!

In particular, Ross Lynch and Calum Worthy, who played Austin Moon and Dez Wade on Austin & Ally respectively, have really been switching it up with the parts lately.  

Ross Lynch’s most recent role was in the well received crime/drama film My Friend Dahmer, where he plays notorious serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, mimicking his facial expressions and unique mannerisms with disturbing realism.  

Ross Lynch as Austin Moon (left) and Jeffrey Dahmer (right)

Meanwhile, Calum Worthy just jumped back into the acting scene, starring in Hulu’s new original series The Act. The Act tells the story of Gypsy Rose Blanchard, who for years suffered abuse at the hands of her mother, Dee Dee Blanchard. Dee Dee, who had Munchausen by Proxy and convinced doctors, neighbors, friends, and Gypsy herself that her daughter was chronically ill for two decades, was ultimately killed by Gypsy’s boyfriend Nicholas Godejohn in 2015. Calum plays Godejohn in this dramatized series based on true events, and like former co-star Lynch, he’s almost too good.

In fact, the only thing that made me more uncomfortable than watching our sweet but simple Austin Moon kill a puppy with a rock in Dahmer was watching our beloved Dez have sex with fellow Disney channel alumn Joey King (Gypsy Rose Blanchard) in a movie theater bathroom, before stabbing her mother with a fishing knife.

Calum Worthy as Dez Wade (left) and Nicholas Godejohn (right)

This begs the question: What the FUCK is going on with the Austin & Ally boys?! Well, luckily for you, I have two theories. And no, neither of them involve a satanic cult. Trust me, I already ruled that one out.

My first theory is that this is simply a sign of suppressed teenage rebellion. While Dez and Austin were meant to be 16 in Austin & Ally, Lynch and Calum were in their late teens and early 20’s when they played them. Although it is no doubt the highest of honors to be cast in a Disney Channel Original Series, Austin & Ally may simply have been too wholesome for these actors to handle. Making a living saying “Gosh darnit” and wearing tie-dye pants with suspenders as a 24 year old can take its toll on a person. It is my belief that the reason Lynch and Worthy pursued such haunting roles (and based on real people no less) after the show ended may be because they were trying to redefine their images and lash out a little after four years of being the most cutesy, innocent, family-friendly teenagers on the planet.

My second theory is about money. Maybe murder just pays better than being a musician. I wouldn’t be surprised. There comes a time in every young aspiring artist’s life when they realize that they have to try a more practical approach to earning a living. While some may suggest this is a form of selling out, I urge us all to not be too critical of this choice. After all, you gotta do what you gotta do to put food on the table. Just ask Jeffrey Dahmer. (Sorry. Too much.)

Obviously I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, and I’m 98% sure that one of my two theories is right. Still, if anyone has any other ideas, or would like to add to my theories, please feel free to leave a comment below. Remember, knowledge is power. Together we can get to the bottom of this mystery. Like Austin always sings, “There’s no way I could do it without you!”

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2 thoughts on “I’m pretty sure I just figured out what the hell is going on with the Austin & Ally boys.

  • You know Ross Lynch was the same age as Austin in the show right? Ross literally said he was 15 when he started on the show.

  • THEY JUST PLAY CHARACTERS OF THEM THE REAL Jeffrey Dahmer IS DEAD AND Nicholas Godejohn IS IN JAIL FOR 25 YEARS SO DON’T BLAME THEM THEY ARE REALLY NICE PEOPLE

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