That good, good post-grad life is coming in hot, folks! Just a few more months until we’re finally pushed out of that bird’s nest (for the final time) and we spread our wings and flap them until we catch that current and learn to fly south for the winter. This metaphor got away from me.
I’ve been really (read: hella) stressed about the uncertainty that post-grad life holds for me. Will I find a job? Will I find love? Will I contribute to the gentrification of Brooklyn?
I went to a CareerLab event this week where they solved all of my problems and cured my anxiety. I didn’t really take careful notes, but they did emphasize networking a lot, so I’ve compiled a list of ways to up your networking game and assuage all your worries. Enjoy your senior year. Chase your bliss.
1. Take them for a moonlit walk over at India Point Park
Ahh, la bella luna never looks so beautiful as when she’s voluptuously full over India Point Park. Take a stroll under the moon with Mr. Goldman Sacchs and, surprise! You’ve brought along a basket for an impromptu nighttime picnic. How quaint. Together, you’ll drink some Barefoot bubbly juice, munch on some overripe fruit you’ve snagged from the Ratty, and enjoy the romantic evening until the raccoons get a whiff of your goodies and you have to make a timely escape. Sucks that you left behind the basket your grandmother wove for your birthday two years ago.
2. Brown Student Theatre and Chill
Worried your resume isn’t robust enough to impress the likes of Facebook? Invite Marky Mark Zucks over for a good old fashioned Brown Student Theatre and Chill. Check out all the hottest shows the Brown theatre scene has to offer this weekend. With a combination of those under-your-breath-but-still-too-loud remarks during the performance (“I actually think the phallic imagery is not overt enough“) and some hand action in the back row, Marky Mark Zucks will be sending you that friend request in absolutely no time. Also that job offer.
3. Swipe them into the V-Dub on Chicken Finger Friday
Yeah, the big hot shots at Google probably have a great health plan, dental, a lifetime supply of quinoa, sleeping pods, and an entire room filled with just dogs– but do they have the chicken fingers served at the V-Dub every Friday? No. They do not. Well, okay, I’m sure they have their own version of chicken fingers, but they are not infused with the Brown Essence™. Entice those tech wizards with some crusty, crispy chicken and some zesty honey mustard. Move over, Steve Jobs and other more competent computer science majors!
4. Write a short film about your life and submit it to BMP
Humanities majors, this is for you. Show off your wit, charm, and effortless brilliance through your writing, and prove that you’ve got what it takes to make it big, baby! Escort the Head Honcho of whatever company you’re wooing this week down to the Avon Cinema, grab some popcorn, and let the art do the talking. Just make sure not to accidentally turn it into a heart-breaking, agonizing tribute to your first, lost love. I miss you, Jeff.
These are the main tips and suggestions I have for nailing the enigma that is networking! I’m 100% positive these all are guaranteed to get you hired post graduation. 75% sure. Like 50/50. Please hire me.
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