We have all heard of the classic Male Manipulator – The Smiths’ enjoyer, a constant user of gaslighting, loves liking other girls’ bikini pictures on Instagram and then telling you you’re crazy for noticing; you get it. However, I believe that the ultimate form of feminism is becoming a manipulator of male manipulators. The only way to truly achieve toppling the patriarchy is to take control over men’s actions and give them a taste of their own medicine. This advice is useful because you will encounter men in your life, and you will need to manipulate them. I have compiled a list of steps on how to manipulate your local male manipulators.
- Take “Making Decisions” by Professor Sloman – learn how to manipulate! One of the first things Professor Sloman said was that we would be learning about how to manipulate people into making decisions. Apparently there’s this cool thing called “framing” where you purposely ask a question in a certain way in order to get the response you want. Sound familiar? This really grabbed my attention, and I knew I had to take a spot in the class so that a man couldn’t. Stopping even one male manipulator from being created is our collective duty as non-men.
- Utilize Gaslighting. Honestly, half of these men do not even know the meaning of the word, so just repeat the action back to them. And when they accuse you of gaslighting, call them crazy and reiterate that gaslighting is not a real thing! No, it does not make you as bad as them. They gaslit first.
- Take “Principles of Economics”. Now, this is not a required step, but just having fewer men in the economic field would benefit all of us, and you can gain more knowledge about stocks and money than they do and use it against them! #Girlboss. Learning that the best way to make money in the stock market is to just invest and leave the money alone was the best thing I’ve ever learned; you don’t need to have that same old conversation with a man explaining to you which stocks are the best ones to invest in.
- Use Google Calendar! An organized person is a person who can use as many tools as necessary in order to manipulate. Get your life together first: fill up your schedule with as many activities as possible (see above), and then spend as much energy as you can fighting the patriarchy. Alternatively, spam men with invites to events just to fill up their inbox!
- Literally fight with your dad all the time. Now, this may be a personal thing, but my dad can definitely be a male manipulator. Whether it’s mansplaining every single last thing on earth or telling me that “Intro to Gender & Sexuality Studies” is a “made-up” class, my dad can be a bit conniving. So I just fight with him about sexuality, Joe Rogan, using certain not-so-modern words, etc. If I always stick with the notion that I am right, then I usually end up feeling like I have won the argument and achieved something great. Try it at your next family dinner (crowded restaurants yield especially amazing results).
- Talk about the US women’s national soccer team. The US team is playing today? Oh, you mean the MEN’s US team is playing… I was talking about the US soccer team that actually wins.
- Beat men in Game Pigeon 8 ball. No more needs to be said.
Follow these seven steps whenever you encounter men in need of manipulation, and you will see results! You will become the most fierce feminist in existence and make men feel bad about the consequences of their own actions, which is always the goal.
Image via. Kaitlyn Lucas