Wordle is already the best thing to happen in 2022.
Sure, we still have Covid, our world leaders are incompetent, and we all spend half our time in line at the Ratty, but at least we get to waste a few minutes every day forcing our pea-sized brains to generate as many five-letter words as humanly possible.
However, all good things must come to an end, and Wordle is no exception. It’s a one-and-done sitch, and the wait until tomorrow’s Wordle can be excruciating. Indeed, I once stayed up until midnight just so I could truly start my day with a Wordle, which makes me not only pathetic but perhaps a touch insane.
But it’s ok! It is ok. I recognise that I have a problem and am seeking help by doing literally anything else. So, here’s a conclusive list of activities to take our minds off that addictive little game and, hopefully, make us better people in the process.
1. Do your reading!
Very boring, I’m well aware. But we can make this fun! The people who actually do (and understand) all the reading develop massive superiority complexes and are not afraid to show the world. Follow in their footsteps and become the antagonist of your classes by bringing up your own experiences unwarranted, playing devil’s advocate, and trying to befriend the professor.
2. Sign up for an extracurricular!
Ah, extracurriculars. Now that we do activities because we want to and not so we can write a sentence or three about them in a college essay that’s 50% lies, you can actually enjoy yourself! Sign up to write for a publication, get involved with a DUG (if you can figure out what they are/do) or even audition for a play. The world is your oyster, you are the pearl and, in the words of the H2O theme tune, no ordinary girl.
3. Lobby against The New York Times’ purchase of Wordle!
Capitalists always come for the things we love, and our dear Wordle was, unfortunately, not spared. Writing to people at The New York Times (who almost certainly will neither read nor care about what you have to say) will make you feel like you’ve done your bit for society. Failing that, quickly find someone with an NYT subscription that you can sponge off when Wordle is savagely ripped from the public sphere.
4. Find someone who will make you your own Wordle and then sell it for a price ‘in the low seven figures’!
Wordle started with love and with love it shall end. James Wardle said that he had the idea for the game because he needed to get his girlfriend a gift, which shows that romance is alive and well and also that people will do literally anything to avoid spending money. If you choose this route, I guarantee you will emerge happier and richer which is all any of us is really looking for.
And last but certainly not least…
5. Spoil the Wordle for others!
I know, I know, it’s the big Wordle rule and the only thing we’ve all been able to agree on in years. But if you want to watch the life leave someone’s eyes and ruin their day, here’s your chance! Additionally, if you happen to be in the market for any major life shake-ups, spoiling the Wordle is a tried and tested technique: I accidentally told my boyfriend what the Wordle was a few weeks ago and I am now single! So, if applying for housing isn’t putting quite enough strain on your friendships, consider this for added drama.
And when it’s finally time to Wordle again? Savour those precious moments, remember that letters can be repeated, and have the decency not to tell everyone how many tries it took you.
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