In light of Brown’s 2.85% increase in tuition, I have decided that 1) I can fake being a mathemagician for a few minutes, and 2) it’s gotta be covered somehow, so might as well get creative.
According to the people who actually do math, undergraduate tuition is supposed to increase by $1736 for the 2022-2023 academic year (that’s $62,680 – $60,944 – pull out a calculator or start counting if you don’t believe me). Amid all the psets and midterms and academic things I have been doing to ~make the most~ of my tuition, I’ve done a little brainstorming and thought I would share for all you wonderful enterprising individuals.
1. Your one-screen Netflix subscription
Is it going to be difficult losing access to Bridgerton and You and Kim’s Convenience? Yes. Will you be more productive? I don’t know, because TikTok stan edits could probably take over. And you never know, maybe you’ll end up Netflix-and-chilling with someone who got to keep their subscription, and won’t lose access after all.
2. Your emotional support water bottle
This one is a little hard to include because I cannot function properly without my Nalgene. I love her for all her dents and chipped paint and stickers that are 90% things I care about, and 10% random stickers that I thought looked cool (according to my water bottle, I’m a junior firefighter. Spoiler alert: I am in fact not a fighter of fires and am more likely to be the cause of one.) Giving away my water bottle is like giving away the firstborn child I don’t have, but if demanded by a 257-year-old brown bear, I may not have a choice.
3. Drugs
I am most definitely not supporting illicit business activity. I am simply stating that there is an entrepreneurial opportunity available here. You don’t even need Handshake for it. You could break into yet another male-dominated field and completely shatter its glass ceiling because all of your clientele is probably too high to even notice it was there in the first place.
4. An arm and a leg
These two are supposed to be able to cover the cost of virtually anything, so why not tuition? The way I see it, if I actually do become a #girlboss engineer with said tuition, I’ll just be able to engineer new ones for myself (or find someone who can) and everything will be a-okay.
5. Your firstborn child
I had to look up how to spell Rumplestiltskin just for this. Clearly the woman in the story did not read the terms and conditions of her agreement carefully enough, but you can do better. You can make your own terms and conditions.
There you have it, five totally-not-foolproof fundraising ideas. And if those don’t work you could always sell your soul, but hey, you kind of already did that when you committed to Brown in the first place.
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