It is an unfortunate reality for the skinny jean-donning and American Eagle-wearing queer youth of today that no amount of jean cuffing will convince the world that they’re gay. Gen Z is already such a fashion forward generation, and what better way to announce your sexuality to the world than through upcycled graphic tee shirts from Savers? Sadly, some of us did not learn much from our time spent in the closet, so here are some tips and tricks on how to get the attention of the next group of Fox News anchors when your only definition of gay fashion is a pair of platform Doc Martens and a weird haircut.
- Bringing Up Your 2015 Tumblr Era
Nothing says “gay freak” like drawing cat whiskers on your face and getting into heated debates about the top/bottom dynamics of Brendon Urie and Ryan Ross. If you’re wearing a particularly heterosexual outfit that day, consider digging deep into those painful memories and find that word porn blog that you started writing after your eighth grade English teacher complimented you on the depressing, My Chemical Romance-esque poem you wrote for your journal assignment. If all else fails, you can always bring up the Drarry fanfiction you published on Wattpad.
- Being a Fan of boygenius (and other gay artists)
Who even is the girl in red? We don’t care! boygenius is the new artist that alludes to lesbianism now. But for those who cannot be bothered with the simultaneity of platonic and sexual tension on a stage, other fun options include MUNA, Ethel Cain, Leith Ross, Adrianne Lenker, and Taylor Swift (but only in like an evermore, overly invested in the lore type of way).
- Language Use
This is one of the bolder suggestions, but it’s certainly the most attention grabbing! If you’re really trying to emphasize your homosexuality, perhaps slip in a gay slur every once in a while to solidify that ground. Pros of this strategy include people immediately recognizing that you’re gay and using that opportunity to punch up at the system! Cons include a potential “Is that word for you?” conversation (bisexuals, stay on guard).
- Calling Ryan Reynolds Mid
Don’t worry gay men — we have suggestions for you, too! Every straight man in the world agrees that Ryan Reynolds is a ten-outta-ten without explanation. If you want people to turn heads, make the claim that Ryan Reynolds is only somewhat attractive. Maybe comment on his bone structure or how he looks too naked without facial hair. People will start wondering, “Why are you, as a man, so invested in the appearance of another man?” Soon enough, they’ll have an answer to their own question!
- Joining The Rib @ Brown
Last, but certainly not least, there is no better way to disclose a queer (and marginalized gender) identity than by affiliating yourself with the Rib! But not only does this affiliation market yourself as gay, it also lets everybody know that you’re sexy AND funny! No wonder everybody thinks we’re so exclusive!
As you can see, there are many ways to be gay without knowing how to accessorize or what pashmina is! Hopefully you can get rid of those “ironic” pride flag pins on your lint-clad tote bag and finally experience the stomach churning, albeit joyous, horrors of a homoerotic friendship.