With the second semester beginning, you might find yourself in need of a little extra help. Look no further, there’s a crystal for every sticky shopping situation!
Aquamarine- Bestows a sense of strength upon the user when they need to pass a midterm as they run on three hours of sleep, four burnt Ratty french fries, and a Clif Bar. If you find yourself in that pre-exam panic realizing that you’ve only been to three classes, this is the stone for you!
Citrine- Grants serenity to those who use it when encountered with the difficult situation of seeing someone who is not you featured on the Snapchat story of the person you have never talked to but are most definitely dating.
Onyx- This crystal allows the user to repel the negative energy that comes as a result of accidentally brushing your naked butt against the shower wall in a communal bathroom. Also protects against herpes.
Amethyst- Gives user the power of discretion to tell when they have reached their jungle juice limit. Also gives user the good sense not to send a drunk text to their chemistry lab group chat when said limit is met.
Smoky Quartz- If you are looking to expand your mind, this is the crystal for you. This can be especially effective when a user is looking to unlock the full potential of their mind and has proven to be effective in helping to stretch a tweet’s worth of an original thought into an eight-page paper in MLA format.
Tiger’s Eye- Gives the user a sort of third eye when it comes to looking for course materials online. This crystal has been found to be useful when you were supposed to buy a book for class two months ago, but you were in no way willing to part with the fifty dollars then and now you are ready to scour the internet for an illegal online copy.
Fluorite- Helps the user to distinguish exactly which liberal causes are cool enough to support. This stone comes in handy when you need to be woke, but also want to retain all the privileges you have. Has full strength during full moons and election seasons, and can be extra helpful if you are straight, white, a cis man, or all of the above!
Cryolite- This crystal has been known to bring a sense of peace over students when they are faced with frustrating questions. Examples include, “what are your plans for after graduation?” “Was it really practical to get a degree in Slavic studies?” “And how are you going to crawl out of the pile of crippling debt you have found yourself under?”