PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Lucas Ingram, 19, has recently taken on the patriarchy with his own version of making “good trouble” – having a sister.
Ingram, who identifies as a life-long-sister-haver, has made no secret of the fact that there are women in his immediate family. “As long as I can remember, I’ve had a sister,” our revolutionary king relayed, “And I’ve been unapologetic about that.”
Activism did not always come easy to Ingram, who has struggled to understand the feminist movement in the past. “I didn’t see the point in it,” he said, after taking a thoughtful drag from his back-alley vape. “I was all like: OK, if women don’t want to be objectified, why have boobs, you know?”
But recently, everything changed. “Last week, I was searching our bathroom trash for a juul pod with some juice left in it. Found a fuckin’ tampon instead,” he shared, “It was my Watergate”. Only then did it hit Lucas – his sister, too, was a girl.
“It was a tough night to be my drywall, that’s for sure,” said Ingram, eyeing a series of holes punched into plaster behind him. “At first I felt sick, but coming to terms with having women in my family has been pretty based. Like, sometimes, there are boobs I don’t want to objectify… sister boobs. It kind of made me think, could all boobs be sister boobs?”
At press time, His Wokeness was still grappling with this question, muttering ‘sister boobs’ over and over again. Sources say he is contemplating starting a podcast. In any case, it’s safe to say that the patriarchy could take a major hit if men keep on having sisters. God, they’re so brave.