If you’ve been following the FBI v. Apple case, you know that one of the U.S. government’s most newsworthy battles of the day is the same one you likely fought against the parental lock on your TV when you were thirteen. Or was that just me? Anyway, Obama and the FBI really really want Apple to create a special version of iOs that would let them work around the passcode on an any locked iPhone, and basically gain “backdoor access” to any information on the device. I know they might have some interesting anti-terrorism and national security-related reasons for this request, but can we think about the implications for a minute??
Are you honestly okay with the idea of Obama going right into your cell phone whenever he wants? The reality is, he would be just like anyone else who takes your phone to use it for a while – what do you think is the first thing he’s going to do? Go straight for the wallpaper, of course. Just as you change your friend’s phone background to your favorite picture of Adam Driver as Kylo Ren whenever you get the chance, Obama wouldn’t be able to resist setting your lock screen to whatever ridiculous, dad-style stock image he prefers at the time…
Even though…thinking about it now, you would probably just end up looking at something like this:
Obama is a very tired man, and I imagine looking at pictures of beds is like porn for him.
But let’s think this through. In less than a year from now, it’s not going to be Obama anymore with the access to our phones. Its could be Hillary Rodham Clinton. I think we all know exactly what kind of sick shit she’d be into:
Or, since I’m twenty years old and therefore will continue to believe in Bernie until Hillary is literally sucking the marrow from his bones, let’s indulge and say Mr. Sanders ends up as the executive with backdoor access to my iPhone 6. I’m thinking all his screen savers and backgrounds are somewhere along the same vein as this…
A little too sweet for my taste.
Now, I don’t want to incite a panic unnecessarily, but I have to urge you to consider: it is technically possible that one of the Republican candidates could become President next year. Take all the time you need to swallow that one down.
Now, imagine what Ted Cruz might like for an iPhone background – that whiny, blobfish of a man, who has stirred physical disgust and loathing within every person he has ever met…
Right. Its only logical to assume that Hailee Steinfeld is somewhat of a personal hero to Ted Cruz. He must have to rely on her uplifting pop anthem just to get through every day – if he doesn’t love himself, who will?
Let’s not forget, John Kasich, your least favorite great uncle, could somehow find himself in the White House next year… I’m thinking he’d like to fix your phone up with the same wallpaper he’s been using for years.
Now, Drumpf, I guess. Do we really need to give him any more media attention? Anyway… he probably makes this the wallpaper on all his devices:
Drumpf needs to stop all that politicized preaching and just say what he really thinks already. We all know he’s in love with Megyn Kelly.