“Oh my God, 1984 is just like…so relevant right now!”
Everyone knows it’s hard to be a white man in today’s world. But what about a white woman? Being a white woman can be particularly challenging because you need to find a way to reap all the benefits of your white privilege while also emphasizing that you too are, like, super duper oppressed.
Here are 5 books that I, a fellow feminist who happens to be white, highly recommend you pretend to have read/are caught in public “reading” so that everyone knows that even though you’re a white feminist you’re not THAT kind of white feminist.
5) The Awakening
A book written by a white lady in 1899 hardly feels like the type of novel that you, a ~progressive~ and ~intersectional~ feminist, would be interested in. But fear not! The Awakening is considered one of the first feminist books and is way ahead of its time in many regards. Kate Chopin’s novel, which was censored around publication for its radical depiction of women as human beings, recounts the tale of a young woman, Edna, who, unhappy in her role as a housewife, rebels and reimagines what it means to be a woman. The Sparknotes version is a terrific read, and will no doubt leave you with plenty of talking points about sexual liberation and womanhood, without all the hassle of sifting through that 19th Century text.
4) Pride and Prejudice
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a young woman, in possession of not only an academic and feminist agenda but a busy class schedule, must be in want of intellectual and cultural affirmation. Well look no further than Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice! The protagonist is one Elizabeth Bennett, who struggles over the question of whether to marry for money or for love. Toss around a quote or two from this classic (think: “There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well.” Sassy but super intellectual — a perfect mix!) in casual conversation and you’re sure to make your Obama2012 x Clinton2016 x Biden2020 parents proud.
3) Little Women
The great thing about Little Women is that you barely have to pretend you even read it. Just by existing, you probably already know a little bit about sisters Jo, Meg, Beth, and Amy and their experience growing up and dealing with their ~blossoming womanhood~ during the Civil War. If you can’t be bothered to read even the back cover, there’s a 1994 movie version that’s pretty decent and one coming out this December starring Timothée Chalamet, king/father/overlord of the white feminists, as Laurie. TIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMYYYYYYY <3 <3 <3 <3
2) Beloved
Toni Morrison’s most celebrated novel, which chronicles the life of Sethe, a former slave haunted by the memories of her past life and the ghost of her deceased baby, Beloved, is a true masterpiece. There’s a reason it won the 1988 Pulitzer Prize in Fiction. It’s not just the plot and characters that are sublime; the writing itself showcases Morrison, arguably the greatest writer of the 20th century, at her best. It’s definitely worth a read. Or, at the very least, worth pretending to have read so you can impress your black friend with how woke you are.
1) 1984
Forget just your black friend. Impress every Democrat you know by talking about just how much living in Trump-Era USA reminds you of George Orwell’s classic dystopian novel. You don’t even need to know what it’s about! Pepper in the words “Newspeak” and “Big Brother” in your discussions on alternative facts and the NSA and you’re set! Can you spell #cultured?
Disclaimer: Neither The Rib of Brown, nor the author of this listicle, are responsible if you are caught in a little white lie about having read any of these books. If someone asks you questions about a book you lied about having read, the key is to tell them you read it when you were 16 and in Cabo on Spring Break and you really can’t remember too much about the plot, characters, or message– but the impact that the novel had on you will last a lifetime.
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