Dear Free Inquiry at Brown,
I appreciate all that you do. It is SO important to give a platform to those who are more suppressed than any other marginalized community: victims of cancel culture. I attended your most recent event – a conversation with anthropologist Elizabeth Weiss, who presented her case against returning human remains to their ancestral land. As an Indigenous person, I was appalled by the statements made by Dr. Weiss. More importantly, however, I was really reallyyyyy BOREDD!!! Sans Adderall, I sat on the floor in the back, ate three pieces of Domino’s pizza (graciously provided by Free Inquiry), and played Subway Surfers on my phone. How could Free Inquiry possibly expect me to shed my ‘wokeness’ when I was practically asleep because this woman was so goddamn dull?
I have no issue with the morally corrupt, just so long as they’re fun! I would love to attend more events hosted by Free Inquiry, but this time, on my terms. Please take a look at a list of my problematic faves who I believe would make wonderful guest speakers:
- Courtney Love
Horrible person? Yes. The best lyricist of all time? Also yes. She creates drama for drama’s sake. She is the original problematic fave. She’s an inspiration for both women in rock and crazy bitches.
- Donald Trump
The first time I saw myself represented in government was in 2017 when Trump was inaugurated. As someone who is addicted to Twitter, Donald Trump is my hero. He showed that people like me can hold positions of power. Let’s uncancel Trump and bring him to Brown!
- Dasha and Anna from the Red Scare podcast
Let’s get some representation from the dirtbag left! And from pretty women with vocal fry. These two girls love to hate. Let’s let them do so, freely, on Brown’s campus.
- Joy Villa
Her Trump-inspired red carpet looks are undeniably campy. Why is she famous? I do not know. But, I would love to learn more about the woman who wore a MAGA gown at the Grammys.
- Ben Shapiro
Let’s say, hypothetically, we brought Ben Shapiro to speak. For the sake of the argument, let’s say, I would find that really entertaining. In fact, hypothetically speaking, the Brown community would be thrilled to hear him talk.
- Anna Delvey
Business majors could learn a lot from Anna, both in making bank and in fashion. She IS the American dream. She went from a nobody to a wealthy socialite, and she did so with style!
- Azealia Banks
She would have the craziest beef with Christina Paxson.
Thanks for your consideration,
Sophia