Meat, My Cruel Mistress
For the past three years at Brown, I have been at the whim of the campus meats. I salivated over egg and bacon sandwiches at...
Rules for Brown 2021 Because I’m Your Mom Now
Welcome to Brown, Class of 2021. By now, you’ve probably slurped vodka from a ladle on the roof of Metcalf, slept through your 3 P.M.,...
My Application for “Married at First Sight”
Married at First Sight is a reality show masquerading as a “””social experiment””” to conceal the undeniable fact that is crazy, nutso, and overall, bonkers. A...
Confessions of a Keeney RPL
Note: The author has since become a senior and a non-RPL and she says HAHA WADDUP BISHES! I’ve lived in Keeney twice. Once during my...
The Everygirl’s Guide to Tinder
Well here I am, single again. No it’s cool, I’m okay, unfurrow your brows. Fortunately for all of us, I’m slowly but surely moving out...
The Ethics of Magic in Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Sabrina the Teenage Witch is the best television show in the history of motion pictures, the moving image, and humankind. It’s the best show because...
I Listened To All These Things Backwards and Here’s What I Heard
As everyone knows, rock ‘n’ roll is the devil’s music and many rock ‘n’ rollers have relayed satanic messages through backmasking, a recording technique in...
We’re Obsessed With This Liquid Lipstick Collection Inspired by the Morrill Land-Grant Act of 1862
The. Wait. Is. Over. After six torturous months, we’ve finally got our hands on them. And we’re never letting go. In case you haven’t heard/...
My Story: I Got a Record Deal from Humming in the Ratty
My trip to the Ratty started like any other. I got up from my table and started humming a tune the second my foot hit...