The Misadventures of Sexually-Frustrated Susie: The V-Dub Waffle
*Author’s note: it’s fiction, mom. Fiction! I’m not actually that sexually attracted to waffles.* Sophomore slump had been real. Susie was unsure of everything —...
A Letter from Teresa Giudice to her Jailed Husband
On March 23, Joe Giudice, husband of The Real Housewives of New Jersey star Teresa Giudice, reported to federal prison where he will spend the next 41...
A Series of Unfortunate Hook-ups: Part II
Two years ago, I spoofed Lemony Snicket’s “Series of Unfortunate Events” for my debut on The Rib by cataloguing the absurd hook-ups that defined my...
Ratty Romance (And Other Dining Hall Dream Dates)
I had a dream that I got hit on at the Ratty salad bar. An at-night dream, an aspirational dream, both—who’s to say? The point...
I Was Sexy (and Then I Finished Reading)
I discovered my sensuality in the Ratty. No, this is not a joke. On a chilly Saturday morning, I sat down to breakfast in the...
Is Everyone Having Sex Without Me?
I have found that the idiom “the walls have ears” applies weirdly and surprisingly well to university life. Last year in my freshmen dorm, I...
Commitment Issues with Netflix
Dear Netflix, Hey, it’s me again. I know we haven’t seen each other in while, but I’ve been doing some thinking on my own. Our...
I Watched Like Every Leonardo DiCaprio Movie Over Spring Break and This Is What I Learned
Ah, my first ever college spring break. I couldn’t wait to get drunk and party! Quick note: “drunk” for me means drinking Martinelli’s Sparkling...
My iPhone and I took a break, and now our relationship is stronger than ever.
A few months ago, my iPhone and I were going through a rough patch. Whenever I was waiting in line or riding in the car...
How To: Lion Sexualization
A couple weeks ago, I was walking across the Main Green when I heard a girl ask her friend, “How do you sexualize a lion?”...