In a post to Instagram Reels last week, the Very Hungry Caterpillar has announced that he is going on Ozempic. “I know my whole brand was about eating,” the arthropod explained in his video, “but I’m the skinniest and hottest I’ve ever been. Get fucked fat bitches.”
The Very Hungry Caterpillar went on to say, “It started with one apple, then two pears, and eventually I was eating one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon all in one day. The final straw was that Ro ad during the Superbowl. I mean, if Serena Williams has to go on a GLP-1, what else was I supposed to do?”
Comments under the video were mixed. Famously well-liked celebrities such as Charles Barkley shared their support for the Very Hungry Caterpillar and praised weight loss as the most noble goal of our time. Brown Bear Brown Bear said, “Damn girl! What can I see? Not your waist!” Eric Carle shared that he was disappointed with the Very Hungry Caterpillar but was not surprised considering they always had a tenuous father-son relationship caused by Carle’s favoritism towards the Very Busy Spider. Others argued that this would set a bad example for the children who look up to him.
The Very Hungry Caterpillar responded to one of these negative comments with a follow-up video, saying “Fuck them kids! Sure, I do feel like I’m losing my sense of self. If I, the Very Hungry Caterpillar, am not hungry anymore, who am I? What is my purpose? Am I just like every other caterpillar? Was this quest to be accepted by society by changing everything about myself doomed from the start? Will I still be able to reach my full potential as a butterfly? Have I forever altered my body in ways that science does not yet understand? But whatever. Who even cares. I can frame mog Clavicular now!”
The Very Hungry Caterpillar continues to post updates about his weight loss journey, most recently sharing that he has dropped from 0.1 to 0.08 ounces. Sources close to the Very Hungry Caterpillar have revealed that he also plans to get a chin implant and buccal fat removal.