Did you really think your “Stand Up to Hazing” module was going to stop us? That’s cute, but fuck you! Here’s how we hazed our new members:
- First, we swore them into a blood pact. Our pledges became sisters—blood sisters.
- We forced them to eat chips loudly in the AQR. We wouldn’t let them leave until they finished an entire bag.
- We sent them to perform in a flash mob with No Empty Seats. They are reminded of it every time they walk into Andrew’s.
- We dropped them off to grocery shop at Trader Joe’s on a Sunday morning. If they can navigate this, they can navigate anything.
- We got them blackout drunk and abandoned them in the middle of the woods at night. They woke up still in the woods and covered in mosquito bites.
- We piled them into a car and made them take unprotected left turns over and over again. And no one was even kind enough to yield to them
- We taped up their arms and legs and tossed them into the Providence River. Luckily, they squirmed their way out!
- We cornered them into making small talk with their most awkward professor. Lecture has never been the same for them.
- We made them busk on the Main Green. At least they made $1.37!
- And finally, we finished things off by tarring and feathering them. The Medieval Studies department funded this one.