It’s that time of year, babes. You, like Simon Cowell masterminding the lineup of One Direction, must form a “housing group” to be assigned a “time” so you can secure a “dorm” from a website that could NEVER survive the traffic of the Reformation twice a year online sample sale. This would be stressful enough, even without the next group of desperate underclassmen nipping at your heels to escape the rising sands of inevitability (i.e. Grad Center*).
The Housing Lottery is, I believe, one of Brown’s most opaque administrative wonders. Below, find a list of 20 things that, somehow, could never spark the same kind of bewilderment:
- Exit route from Bermuda Triangle
- Determining if the very narrow Providence street you’re on is one-way, or just a littleeee dangerous
- Your situationship
- Betrayal
- The plot of Dune 2
- The Brown Shuttle route
- Completing the FAFSA
- Using Workday
- The great beyond
- Logic of a Rube Goldberg machine
- Hiding the fact that you are secretly a mermaid a la H2O
- Your first shopping period
- Getting out of parking tickets from DPS : (
- Canceling gym membership
- Adding another Netflix household
- The 10-step Duo authentication process I have no doubt they are cooking up
- The line at the Blue Room at 12:02 PM on a Thursday
- Getting out of plans you made when you were in a better mood
- Hacking the mainframe
- Avoiding the curious stares of campus tours as you wait in line at the Ratty
Best of luck in the lottery, loves! I believe in you!
*Fun fact I actually love Grad Center. She is beautiful and I will defend her to the death, even the strange non-frosted glass walls of the gym in the middle of the lounge. Embrace the concrete!