I recently came across my bucket list that I wrote at age 10. And by “recently came across,” I mean that I intently searched for it after panicking about being months away from turning 20. Reading it over, I realized I haven’t done a lot of the things on this list. But, I’m completely okay with that, because most of the things I set out to do at age 10 are pretty annoying and cringe-worthy.
Prominent on my bucket list are beach-related things, the most annoying being “have a bonfire on the beach with friends.” What is this, a JustGirlyThings meme? Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants? The opening scene of a horror movie when all the teenagers are happy and drinking and having sex and then they all get murdered? This is an absolutely ridiculous and worthless life goal, constructed out of a romantic fairy-tale worldview. Not to mention bonfires are bad for the environment.
Next up on my bucket list is “run a marathon.” Oh, naïve 10-year-old me. Little do you know, in the near future, you’re gonna trip and fall in gym class because you got too excited about playing dodgeball. As a result, your knee is going to hurt every time you run long distances!
Apparently I wanted to be a nature geek when I was 10, as evidenced by this next one: “go camping with a group of friends.” This one I could still do. Just allow current me to revise: “go glamping with a group of friends.”
I also wanted to “navigate a boat.” I vividly remember writing this one down because I wasn’t sure of the proper terminology. Do you ride a boat? Well, no, because you can ride a boat without being the captain. Drive a boat? I don’t know, it’s not a car. I chose ‘navigate’ for clarity, and also because it sounds more adventurous. I’m a little upset I didn’t specify what type of boat, because I have navigated little toy boats in the bathtub, and that feels anti-climactic.
Finally, I wrote down a series of things I wanted to see: “a volcano,” “a tornado,” “Mount Everest,” and “a Great White shark.”
Um, WHY?! These are all things I should and would like to stay at least a couple miles away from!
So, 10 year-old me, your wishes in life are irrational and silly. Set more concrete, realistic goals, like…go to Insomnia Cookies! Watch La La Land! (Or don’t!). Watch Moonlight! (seriously, do that one!). And no matter what, keep your distance from the dangerous natural elements of the world.