SO. We’ve discussed pooping before, and may have even grazed upon the concept of pooping Snapchats/bathroom Snapchats/what I like to call “Potty Talk.” But what we’ve missed in these previous endeavors is exploring the science behind it. No, I’m not talking about the biological reasons why you have bowel movements as often as you do and how your fiber intake plays a role in that, and no I don’t exactly understand, nor will I explain to you, why HOPs and DADS (HangOver Poops and Day After Drinking Shits) happen. Yet I am going to wonder out loud: why are we so obsessed with taking selfies while doing them?
Before I go further, I must make a disclaimer. I know those of you reading this in the presence of others will be like, “OMG this is so awkward for this poor girl who is basically admitting she takes Snapchats of herself while pooping. She thinks everyone else does too, but, like, ugh, who would do that?”
If you are one of these people, you are being the Kate Sanders to my Lizzie McGuire.
The truth is that we all take the occasional pooping Snapchat–sending it to a select audience, of course–and I know this because I receive them. I receive a good many of them.
But still… Why do I receive many of them to begin with?
The thing about Potty Talk is that it’s exchanged for a variety of reasons, some more troubling than others. The first that comes to mind, on the less-troubling side, is sheer boredom. It’s so fun and easy to spend a solid 45 minutes on the toilet, especially as it is, unfortunately, some of the only real downtime we get. This is a very serious statement. When’s the last time you sat to do absolutely nothing? When you didn’t have to listen to someone or work on something or engage in anything?
It was probably when you were on the toilet.
So, we take our sweet, leisurely time to check Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. And if you open Snapchat and that front-facing camera is on, and you realize hey, the lighting ain’t so bad in here! you might snap a few selfies.
This both brings us into the next reason and highlights the reigning flaw of Snapchat: its narcissism. We are so narcissistic that we want everyone to know how happy we are and how pretty we look as often as possible. It’s the same issue with Facebook, which has turned into a competition of Who Is Having The Most Fun And Going Out The Most And Looks The Best And Is Just Always Smiling And Doing Things! We’ve become so desperate to capture ourselves at our best that we will do whatever it takes, even if it means faking comedy for our own self-flattery.
Alas, the next point: self-esteem. Our self-esteem has plummeted, unquestionably due to pressure, 50 percent from Mom, 50 percent from Karlie Kloss. Now, when we love ourselves, we LOVE ourselves. There seems to be no happy medium between self-loathing and narcissism. We plunge into this place where we want everyone to know how pretty we are, even while pooping, because we don’t know when a selfie will look so good again. Have you ever accidentally deleted a selfie that you loved and gotten really annoyed about it? That’s what I’m talking about.
And, though it makes me terribly sad to admit it, there is a strange link between pooping and body consciousness that I’ve seen people silently obsess over. It’s exciting to have a breakthrough doodie after three days of constipation, so you tell all of your best friends about it as more of a brag than anything else. Strange, but true. It’s kind of like, “I just had a great shit and am completely free and debloated! Are you jealous?!”
Similarly, EVERYONE loves talking about their hangover shits via Snapchat. There are a small handful of girls on my friends list who simply cannot seem to have diarrhea without telling the world about it, which is sad but I’ve been witness to it too many times to call it untrue.
Potty Talk is a surprisingly complex yet revealing form of communication in which our generation has found its niche. It’s nice to feel comfortable enough with our friends that we are willing to admit we do things like poop. We won’t admit to farting, though. Except for that one lady in yoga class.
There’s also nothing like the first time in a friendship you and your new gal pal poop in front of each other. You sit on the toilet and say, “I’m just letting you know, I’m going to poop,” even though you both are already locked in the single bathroom together and at this point your excretions are inevitable. She will say, “Totally fine. Go for it,” and your conversation will pick back up again right where it left off. And that’s how a friendship is born.
Snapchat is different than this, though. It melds together that sense of endearment with the vice of social media. Potty Talk will continue to be given and received like presents on Christmas morning. It is one of the many strange, strange millennial habits. Well, all we can say is, “That’s shitty.”
Image via Buzzfeed.