My Summer Fling with MATLAB
Summer loving, had me a blast Summer loving, happened so fast I met a girl, crazy for me Met a proprietary programming language, cute as...
Seeking Fame And Fortune (But Mostly Fortune)
For the most part, I’m pragmatic. Okay, that’s a lie. I believe way too many celebrity conspiracy theories, think the show Ghost Adventures is good...
My Mother, Tinder Goddess
A Joint Piece by Sarah & Christine Loftus Master My mother, the incomparable Christine, recently made her grand re-entry into the world of dating. As...
The Misadventures of Sexually-Frustrated Susie: The V-Dub Waffle
*Author’s note: it’s fiction, mom. Fiction! I’m not actually that sexually attracted to waffles.* Sophomore slump had been real. Susie was unsure of everything —...
I am the Hot TA
There is nothing quite as satisfying as being a teaching assistant. I’ve wanted to be a TA since I first came to Brown, both because...
A Series of Unfortunate Hook-ups: Part II
Two years ago, I spoofed Lemony Snicket’s “Series of Unfortunate Events” for my debut on The Rib by cataloguing the absurd hook-ups that defined my...
Ratty Romance (And Other Dining Hall Dream Dates)
I had a dream that I got hit on at the Ratty salad bar. An at-night dream, an aspirational dream, both—who’s to say? The point...
Commitment Issues with Netflix
Dear Netflix, Hey, it’s me again. I know we haven’t seen each other in while, but I’ve been doing some thinking on my own. Our...
My iPhone and I took a break, and now our relationship is stronger than ever.
A few months ago, my iPhone and I were going through a rough patch. Whenever I was waiting in line or riding in the car...
Rib Beef: Tickling
Tickling is a weird concept. On the one hand, you may have memories like your parents making you feel warm and fuzzy inside, laughing until...